spookyevilone: (Default)
The good news: The house is getting a new furnace.
The bad news: The heat exchanger is dead and the furnace is so old they stopped making parts for it 25 years ago, so the whole thing needs to be replaced.

HUD Agent: "Yeah, no problem, I'll put in a work order and have it fixed this week. Should be done by next Friday so you can close on the 17th."
Best Assets: "No. We're not under obligation to do that, so we won't sign off on the work order and if we don't sign off on it, HUD won't replace it."
Me: "WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCKING FUCKY SHIT IS THIS? THE HELL, YOU SAY! You will too sign that work order."
BA: "No. And you can't make us. Neeners!"
Me: "Oh yeah?"
BA: "Yeah! Neeeeeeners!"
Me: "Hey, HUD in Santa Ana, CA who oversee the MN Realty Owned Homes? BA are being pricks and here's the bullshit they're trying to pull now. I want to close on my house. I've been trying to buy this house since MOTHERFUCKING JULY. BA is holding it up. Pls to help k thx?"
HUD: "That furnace thing sounds like a health and safety hazard."
Me: "Yes. Since the gas can't be turned on or it will flood the house with, y'know, GAS, and no bank will approve a loan for a house that's likely to explode, asphyxiate the occupants, or freeze solid during the -40F temperatures we get here like, now."
HUD: "Yeahh.. We fix those. No problem. We'll get a work order.."
Me: "AH HA! See, yeah, about that.. BA are pricks. They say they won't sign it."
HUD: ".. What. The. SHIT?! The hell they won't!"
Me: "I can has someone from HUD call them and tell THEM that?"
HUD: "Oh yes. Yes, yes you can has. You can has so much that we will call them while you are on the phone.. ah, fuck, they're not open now. DAMMIT! We will call them on Monday and find out what the fuck they think they're doing and find out just when they will be processing this work order so you can close on your house."
Me: "Can you make them install the carbon monoxide detectors they're legally bound to install in a house in MN before they can sell it, while you're at it?"
HUD: ".. they said they wouldn't do that, either?"
Me: "YUP."
HUD: "Give us until Monday. We're about to go medieval on their ass. We gotcher back."
Me: "YAY!"

Dear Best Assets:
Fuck. You.
No love,
spookyevilone: (Default)
"Hi. When are you getting someone out to fix the gas line in House!Presumptive?"
"You're buying it as-is. We won't be fixing that."
"Really? What's your policy on 'as-is'? Because in this state, the law says it's 'as-is' of the time the purchase agreement was signed."
"Yes, that's correct."
"Good. Glad we're clear on that. Now go fix the fucking gas line, k thx."
"We won't be fixing that."
"The gas line was working when the purchase agreement was signed, because I was at the house the next day to verify that the furnace worked. Since then, one of your property management goons went in and disconnected it. By law, you need to go connect the pipe and have the gas company out to pressure test the lines and safety test the gas to the house."
".. Uh."
"I have documented proof that the gas was on when the purchase agreement was signed, and it's very visibly not connected now."
"I.. see. Well, let me talk to the ..."
"Is this 'talk' going to consist of 'put the house back in the condition it was in when the buyer signed the purchase agreement'? Because if it isn't, you're wasting my time. This is enough to invalidate my sale, since the property conditions have changed."
".. Are you saying you want to cancel your purchase agreement?"
"I'm saying I want you to get in there and fix the fucking gas line pronto, Skippy, and that if you don't do it in time for me to have the house inspected and appraised on Monday, you can kiss this purchase agreement goodbye."
"You'll lose your earnest money.."
"No, I won't. I've already checked with the Department of Commerce and they said since the fuckup is on your end, the condition changed due to your company, and you have not responded to a legitimate and reasonable request to fix it, that if I cancel, my earnest money comes back. So, again, are you going to fix the goddamn gas line, or shall I just void the sale right now?"
".... I'll.. call the gas company and have them send someone out. It might take a couple days."
"But you will call me back right away with the service ticket number so I can call the gas company and hound them myself until they fix it, yes?"
".. Yes."

Damn right you will. Fuckers.


Nov. 15th, 2009 10:07 am
spookyevilone: (Default)
I haven't been posting much lately because most of the words running around inside my skull can be summed up as, "AAARRGH gimme my goddamn house already, you bastards!!" I want to write, but I'll start something and my brain will wander off moments later into a seething morass of "When? Why is it taking so long? What could I do right now that would make this take less time?" The answer, "It's out of your control, so you just have to wait." never ever sits well with me.

Amusing tidbits:

While my realtor was in the house, diagnosing it with a missing electric meter and dislocated interior gas line, a total creepo from the neighborhood walked right in the house "because he saw someone was there". He tried to convince her that if she was a realtor, it wasn't worth showing the house because he "was gonna buy it as soon as it went back on the market again. [His] dad would cosign so the loan was a done deal. [He] lived with [his] dad in a duplex. [He] had a free apartment in a place [he] managed but they didn't allow dogs and that's why [he] wanted the house, because it had a yard for a dog." He was informed that the house isn't going on the market, it's being purchased, and I'll be closing sometime this month. He then asked if I had a dog. My realtor said, "No.. but she has a GUN." Apparently that was enough to get him out of the house. We both expect that this creep will show up while I'm moving in. Thankfully, I know a heavy who is a clone of Hagrid for size and fierce head and facial hair, and is willing to come hang out with me and scare creepos away. That Guy is no good in these situations. He's too laid back and nice and not at all intimidating.

Not so amusing tidbits:
On Friday the 13th, I hit a cat. It was an accident - it was dark and raining and there were no streetlights. I didn't see the damn thing until it looked at me and my headlights reflected. I tried to stop but it's a truck - stopping on a dime, not so much. I slid into the cat and knocked it into a ditch. It was alive, so I rushed it to the emergency vet. Immediate diagnosis: leg fractured in two places, two broken ribs, possible other internal damage - turned out not to have internal damage, just bones broken in places that didn't require amputation. She had collar tags, so the vet contacted the owners. It's a good thing I didn't contact them.
"That driver should learn to watch where she's going!" (Note: I have defensive driving certification.)
"We let her out all the time and she's NEVER BEEN HIT BEFORE!"
"Why'd she have to take her to a vet all the way across town? Couldn't she have taken her to a closer vet? We spent a lot of gas getting out here."
"$300 just for an appointment?! The cat wasn't hurt that bad, couldn't you have waited until morning to see her and charged us the cheaper fee??"

The vet called the police and had them given a citation for violating leash laws, then informed them the bill was over $3000 - would they like to pay? If not, they could sign over the cat. They signed the cat over. The vet is taking her home as his own. Unfortunately, I suspect these morons will just go get another free kitten/cat somewhere and the cycle will start anew. I'm kind of kicking myself for not having grabbed their contact info off the tags. But it's probably better for everyone involved that I didn't.

Adoption paperwork is going slowly. Newest dumbness: "It says here your mother is a Canadian citizen?" "Yes, that's right." "Doesn't that make you a Canadian citizen as well?" "Yes." "Then, unfortunately, I can't help you with adoption.." "..What? I'm a dual citizen." "There's no such thing as dual citizenship, so you're probably just Canadian." "No, I was born here. I'm an American citizen too, much as that galls me some days."

That garbage is brought to you by someone who's read the US Citizenship laws and doesn't understand them. The US does not recognize dual citizenship, they only recognize the American portion. You can't, as an American, file for citizenship of another country because to do so automatically renounces your American citizenship, but if you were born abroad, or born to parents of another country but in the US, it doesn't negate your citizenship to the other country, it just adds America. It took an hour and fifteen minutes to get that through to the social worker. Technically, I think I have Norway in there as well, since my mother's dual Norwegian and Canadian by virtue of being born to Norwegian immigrants before they became Canadian citizens. I figured it was better not to get into that portion, since the poor social worker was confused enough.
spookyevilone: (Default)
Fearing the imminent demise of the Powerbook, last week I purchased a Compaq laptop. It was dirt cheap - less than $300 for a machine with some decent computing power under the chassis. I'm weirded out by the keyboard - there's a 10-key, which shoves the main keyboard off-center. I'm getting used to it. Mostly I wish they'd moved the trackpad to the left about an inch, to center it on the keyboard part and not centered on the overall .. keyboard..part... thing.. Oh shut up. You know what I mean.

I've spent the last week beating Vista into submission to make it run like XP. Tonight, I fixed the wireless connectivity. I knew it wasn't the network, and because it's Windows, I pretty much knew it was the adapter, and yup, sure enough, file and printer sharing and some other bullshit sharing that is not a TCP/IP protocol. Fuck you, Microsoft. What if I want to be selfish? What if I don't want to share? Did you ever thing about that, you inconsiderate, bloated piece of crap operating system? Did you ever consider MY feelings?? NO. Jerk.

On the up side of things, the laptop means that the desktop's drives are all getting scrubbed so it will be a pure Ubuntu box, untainted by MS.

Anyway. Tiny dolls have arrived. I messed up and now have to order another head and body so I have a matched set for the Bubbleheaded Nurse doll. Woe - I have to buy more dolls. Woe!!

The bid has been resubmitted for House!Presumptive. I penalized Best Assets $3,700 for being dickheads, so the bid this time is for $120k. They'll either accept my bid, accept someone else's bid, or tell us all to go screw - we'll know by the 12th. As long as they don't accept someone else's bid, I can always re-bid if they decline me.

Living in Temporary!Domicile with other people has been odd. We all work different hours, so there's rarely more than two of us in the house at any given time, and usually only one at a time. Which is pretty much my ideal living situation, when I have to live with strangers. Or, y'know, anyone.

In a comestible experiment, last night I purchased some "Primal Strips" - vegetarian/vegan fake meat jerky. My main dislike was the packaging. It was blister packed in heavy plastic, and if I need to use a razor knife to get to my food, that's just too damn much work.
spookyevilone: (Default)
Got up at oh-gods-why-am-I-awake, drove across the city, walked for three miles, drove back across city, then started packing boxes and tried to think of what to do in which order.

At that point, my brain made a noise something like *bwheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesplurch* and that was pretty much where it stayed. That Guy came over, and thankfully his brain had not melted out his ears, so he was able to play both director and sherpa, and we got all internal furniture except the dishwasher and Love Sac loaded into Cargo Bay 1 in about 5 hours. K. came over and disassembled chicken cages and took most of them away, the rest are going away tomorrow. Other friends stopped by at random intervals to bring supplies or take away furniture. Freecycle people showed up all day to also take things away. There are significantly less things than there were yesterday. This pleases Zod.

I managed to not lose my shit on two adorable little chatterboxes, and I'm proud of that. When I'm in a Focus Groove, I tend to go uberbitch if anything shakes said groove. Like someone asking questions or distracting me or interfering with me. Small, hyper children - however well meaning or cute - tend to bring out the worst in me when I'm trying to Get Things Done. But I didn't eat their brains. Either my tolerance is growing or I was just that tired. It was cute watching a tiny little girl hauling a chair almost twice her size across the floor.

The library has been dismantled. I thought I had enough boxes for the books. I was wrong. This is after the culling that sent someone home with a box of books last week and another bag full going home with someone else today. I suspect my book collection is gaining sentience. It's at the very least achieved spontaneous generation. Who needs four copies of Mercedes Lackey's 'Oathbound'? Why did I have them? I know I owned one, and Ex!Roommate probably accounted for a second, but where on earth did the other two come from? Well, they're gone now, so if I find a second or third copy when I unpack the boxes, my suspicions will be confirmed.

After That Guy left, I treated myself to some pizza and Coke Zero. I am suspicious of Coke Zero, as it tastes just like Coke and yet.. isn't. Diet Coke tastes nothing like Coke, so I expected the Zero to taste like that, but no. Somewhere in the midst of dinner, my feet went on strike. They joined forces with my lower back and quit on me.

It made the move of the Love Sac from Back Room to Front Room interesting. I was literally crawling along the floor, pushing it. "Ehn!" The reason it got moved is because the Internet got relocated to the livingroom. I moved the DSL modem and hooked it up to the Mac. There is no waterbed from which to compute in comfort and that room is currently in a state of sty that is seriously awful. Depression is not my friend, nor is it condusive to cleaning.. anything.. but especially the lair. I can judge when the last time I cleaned my room by the number of Taco Bell cups. They're empty, and they only ever had water in them, but they wound up on the nightstands instead of in the trash. I go to TB roughly once a week, because that's about how often I can handle having a portal to hell open in my digestive system. There are 11 TB cups. It has been about three months.. which sounds about right.. last week of June.. since I've cleaned my room. That was actually one of my first clues that I should start sleeping with the sunlamp on. The house stress is bad, but the depression hit way, way too hard. The last month, especially. It's been nuts, but nobody really notices it from the outside. Normally I go on freaky cleaning binges at least once a week, for some part of the house, and am not satisfied until it is sterile and sparkling and my lungs ache with bleach fume chemical burns. Again, this was a clue that I needed to start sleeping with the lights on. Stupid lack of sunlight.

Tomorrow, I wake up and begin Phase Two of Project GTFO. Must pick up tape for boxes, then finish packing up books. I'm assuming that tomorrow is going to be sheer hell, just judging from what my feet and back feel like right now. Most of the day, I am babysitting Squidget. I am half tempted to haul blankets and quarters with and do laundry when Squidget banishes the trains in favour of a movie. That way I don't have to walk down stairs and can get rid of the pile of quarters living in a colander in my bathroom. Tomorrow night, I'm going to tackle the majority of the cleaning up and probably pack some more. If bedding has been cleaned, it will go to Temporary Domicile.

Monday, all items that are coming with me need to be boxed and those which aren't coming with me need to be sorted into 'destroy' or 'donate' piles. Tuesday, anything left to go into Cargo Bay 2 needs to get in there. Cleaning needs to happen. So does carpet scrubbing. Everything needs to be out of the house and garage, except the donation items, by Wed. morning.

The current conundrum I'm facing is.. do I take the desktop computer with me to Temporary Domicile, or do I put that into Cargo Bay 2 and just take the Mac and external hard drive? The only reason this is an issue is because the mac's screen is about two seconds away from seceding from the rest of the computer. The little 'don't put me backwards!' thingy broke off when Jamie had it, but I think it's somehow gotten worse. I'm considering making little tape "hinges" that connect from the keyboard to the lid so it can't fall backwards. It will be so ghetto. It's making me consider some sort of wacky case mod. The chassis is pretty banged up, which only looks bad because it's supposed to look all sleek and silvery. If the exterior chassis were, say, weathered leather..

Or I could just find out if the Apple Store will play doctor to the Mac, and whether that would cost more or less than a netbook.

Or.. I could stop procrastinating and go swap the laundry into the dryer. My feet are trying very hard to veto this idea. I'm not even really sure when they got a vote. Hmph. Uppity things.


Sep. 23rd, 2009 08:11 pm
spookyevilone: (Default)
The lease on the house I'm in was up on 9/1, but my landlord was willing to go month to month. Events collided today and left me in a seething fury and determined to be out, out, OUT! by 10/1. Portable storage was arranged, it will be here tomorrow. I've begun emailing and calling on short term rentals / roommate things on Craigslist.

Here are some of the more frightening answers to the questions I have about places.

"So, can you tell me more about the room?"
"I'm willing to give $50 off rent if you rub my feet every day."
"Um. You're kidding, right?"
"I have issues touching other people's feet. I don't even like touching my own feet. So. uh. No."
"Ok. Well, I have your number. I'm going to hold out to see if I get someone who says yes. I'll call you if I don't."
"Um. Well, thanks, but go ahead and don't. I'll keep looking."

Sad thing is, he probably will find someone to do that.

"Has the apartment ever had a problem with roaches?"
"No, never. Oh.. well, there was this one time in the spring, but they came and sprayed and I haven't seen any since."

No. Roaches are a total dealbreaker. I, who am fearless in the face of axe-wielding murderers, will scream and flee and quake like a sissy bitch when confronted with roaches. If you're laughing, then you've obviously never lived in Texas. The roaches down there are the size of small cars.

"Hey, it says duplex but there's no mention of a kitchen. Can you tell me if it has gas or electric stove?"
"Oh there's no kitchen."
"Um. But it's a duplex?"
"How do people cook?"
"Oh, they're college kids. They don't cook. Maybe nuke some water once in awhile.. "
"Uh huh. Next question is, is there a shower in the bathroom?"
"Oh, there's no bathroom.."

Yeah. Then it's not a duplex, dumbass. It's a basement.

"The ad says two bedroom, so are you renting the other room, or could you tell me about the roommate?"
"There are five girls living here.."
"... in a 2 bedroom apartment?"
"Yah. Don't worry though, the room you'd get is private. We sectioned off the living room with blankets."

Uh. No. No no no. No.

"I don't smoke."
"I do."
".. but the ad specifically said 'non-smokers only'..?"
"Yeah. Unless they smoke the same brand as me. Other cigarettes make the house smell weird, the mingling of brands, you know? I like the house to smell like my brand. Dope's ok, though, that doesn't smell bad mixed with cigarette smoke."
"Uh.. that would kill me."

I don't know which is scarier, that the person claims tobacco smoke smells different according to cigarette brand, or that the entire house smells like smoke and they like it that way.

"I have two cats."
"Are they cuddly?"
"With me, yes. Not so much with other people. They'd probably be shut in my room with me."
"Oh. Well, I don't want un-cuddly cats in the house. If you can find someone to take your unfriendly cats, the room's yours."
"Oh. Well, sorry it won't work out. I already found people to take the quail and the chicken, the alligator, the two pythons, the rottweiler and pitbull, and the ferrets.. and everyone else I know is allergic to cats. Good luck finding someone!"

My cats are not unfriendly. My cats are aware that 90% of human beings are total scum.

"I have a computer, and the cats, and a bed, and maybe some dishes, but that'd pretty much be it."
"Mac or PC?"
"Both - PC desktop, Macbook laptop. I usually run Linux, though."
"Oh, aren't Macs wonderful?? Mac mac mac shiny mac mac mac I love my mac. Mac mac I want to have sex with my shiny, glorious, godlike Mac that is superior in every way to a PC and has the bestest, shiniest, sparklingest OS ever invented! It sparkles more than Twilight vampires!"

I may have paraphrased there just a little, but you get the gist. I decided I couldn't share living space with anyone that made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Anyway. That's been the fun for tonight. I'm having a minor freak-out about the move, but I'd rather freak out than put up with the house I'm in anymore.
spookyevilone: (Default)
I get to start the paperwork all over, because the realtor didn't understand that forgery? Kind of a crime. Just a little. Having his secretary sign documents for me, injury. Having both my middle initial and my last name spelled wrong, when it was typed out underneath the line she signed it on? Insult.

New!Loan!Officer groaned and facepalmed, because he can't submit falsified documents. I've canceled the agency with Idiot!Realtor - documents I also didn't sign, for those of you following the trainwreck.

So we start all over. HUD has to cancel my bid and my PA and put the house back on the market, I have to get my earnest money back from the escrow company, Molly the Super Agent has already written the new paperwork so as soon as I get my money back, we can submit the bid all. over. again.

A complaint is being lodged with Exit Realty and with the MN Dep't of Commerce. As there is no actual damages except to my patience and cheerful demeanor, I'm debating whether to make it a criminal case as well. I'm not a happy camper. That generally doesn't bode well for the object of my ire.
spookyevilone: (Default)
It took Wells Fargo three weeks to turn me down.
"We want cancelled checks."
"I don't have a checking account. I haven't had one since YOU FUCKERS let my tenant steal my identity, drain my account, and write a shitton of bad checks."
"Oh. Well, still. We can't verify that you are the one who paid rent."
"My landlord has a WELLS FARGO account. I deposit my rent in cash. I can show you records of my pulling the cash out and his bank records showing the deposit - and if you really wanted, you could pull the tapes and see that it is, indeed, me making the deposit."
"Yeahhhhhh, still not good enough. Sorry. Do you have a cosigner?"
"Sorry about your luck."

ARGH!!!!! I'm trying one more place, and if that doesn't work, I'm going to have to give up. Which means I won't be buying a house for two more years, since as of 10/1, all the requirements change and I won't qualify at all.

On the bright side, if I don't get the loan, I won't have to pack..
spookyevilone: (Default)
All invoices and rent receipts were turned in yesterday. Back to waiting. I received my Truth in Lending packet yesterday, so at this point they're taunting me by holding my loan just out of reach. Included with that was the most recent credit report they've pulled, and my credit has gone up 12 points since the last time they pulled it, a month ago. Which should verify what I said in my Letter of Explanation.

It is slightly irritating that people with undischarged bankruptcies can get loans with no problems, while someone who didn't declare bankruptcy and made creditors whole even on debts that were racked up by an identity thief is having such a hard time. But, at least thus far, they haven't turned me down.

At this point, they could take a chance on me and have someone living in and paying for that house, or they can turn me down and let it sit empty another 8 months and have it go down even further in value. Anyone who comes along after me is going to base their bid lower than my bid, which is $30k under the HUD valuation and $150k under the independent appraisal valuation.

But then, if things made sense in the financial and housing industry, we wouldn't be in the midst of this econopocalypse.
spookyevilone: (Default)
I have a friend who is an independent distributor for an adult novelty company. It's like Avon or Tupperware or PartyLite, only with sex toys and porn thrown in to spice things up.

I needed two more business references, at least 12 months worth of steady business with a legitimate company, to appease the underwriters, even though I already sent them everything I have.

SOMEONE is going to have a very interesting read tomorrow, when those invoices are submitted.

Just sayin'.
spookyevilone: (Default)
I find out today whether or not the house loan will fund. The crash and burn potential for the day is enormous and stress levels are running into the red zone. Of course, the potential that I will be so giddy I start squealing and perform the endorphin-induced equivalent to drunk dialing is equally as huge, but that's not counteracting the amount of stress involved in today.

We will return you to your regularly scheduled Peregrine as soon as we are able.
spookyevilone: (Default)
1) I've already got the orchard and garden plotted out.
2) That Guy refers to it as "my" house.
3) I already have a key.
4) There are mulberry bushes waiting for me.
5) I MUST KILL that bathroom. I'm convinced it's some sort of portal to hell, designed to bring forth demons by the power of ugliness alone.
6) There are dungeons. In which to keep the children when they're bad.
7) The large trees in the front and back yard have been specifically designed to give Children!Presumptive their first painful lesson in the effects of gravity. And I am perfectly ok with this, as is Gene!Donor!Presumptive.
8) My mother would approve.
9) There's already a cat hatch in the basement door.
10) They were silly enough to accept my bid.

And now the uphill battle.. financing it.
spookyevilone: (Default)
The realtor was nice enough to come back so That Guy could see the inside.

The scary dungeon area in the basement elicited a comment of, "And you'll have somewhere to put the children when they're bad.." I nodded. The realtor looked between us and just shook his head.

And people think That Guy is the normal one..
spookyevilone: (Default)
If anyone in MN is looking for a nice 3br house with a full basement and 2 car garage to rent, the house I'm living in will be available in September, possibly sooner. $1300/mo and landlord pays water/sewer/trash. It's in Northeast, between Central and University and within a block of two major bus lines in one direction and about 6 blocks from another set of bus lines in the other direction. There's a nice park about three blocks away, the neighbors are wonderful and the neighborhood is quiet. Walking distance to tons of restaurants/shopping. Feel free to pass the news on.

I'm doing the house buying thing, and anticipate closing around September, possibly earlier. I'm thinking about having a garage sale this weekend to get rid of all the clutter. I may or may not be that motivated, and it may wait until next weekend.

It's scary, looking at houses. Some of the houses are.. well, terrifying in their decrepitude. It's apparently a wonderful time to buy, since the market just crashed again from the small upswing it took in April. There are tons of decent sized houses under $100k in the areas I want to live in. Some of them are scary, some are nice. My worry is that I'll find one I like and go through hell getting a mortgage.

It's also kind of sad in an amusing way that I've gone from "I don't care if it has a garage" to "MUST HAVE an attached garage" .. so I have somewhere to store the chickens in winter that's not in the main area of the house.

Also.. if any of you have bad credit and are looking for a secured card to rebuild, UltraVX Visa is not a bad deal. I've used MetaBank for years and found their cards to be reasonable. I just updated my Money Network card to the UltraVX so I'll have a card that reports to the credit bureaus.



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