spookyevilone: (Default)
The next person surprised by that gets a virtual kick in the face, courtesy of me. This is Minnesota. 9 months out of the year, the temperatures are low enough that sap stops running and for at least half of that, we're locked in permafrost with nothing between us and the Arctic Circle except a few stray reindeer.

Let me give you a little history. Growing up in the 70's & 80's, we regularly had shittons of snow, with blowing and drifting and blizzard-like conditions. By the 90's, the weather changed to less snow, more bitter-ass windchills and temperatures so far below freezing that the batteries in cars have been known to freeze solid and if you have a diesel vehicle, you're pretty much fucked until Spring unless you've dumped a can of Kerosene in with your last load of fuel - and even then, you're probably still fucked. Early 2000's, the windchills started becoming less bitter and the last couple winters have been pretty mild.

THIS IS A BAD THING. You know what happens when we have mild winters? The water table drops. Things what lives and breeds in water tend to do less living and breeding. Things which feed on things what lives in water have less to eat so they stop breeding and since those are all predator animals, bunnies eat your garden. There will be a lot of bunnies, because bunnies are stupid and don't care if there's enough food, they just want to get on with their gettin' on and that results in baby bunnies. The water table's low and there's no snow so the frost has sunk deep claws into the ground and created the permafrost situation I mentioned earlier, so plants germinate later and unless there's some freaky business with the jet streams, there's less rain because every living thing is sucking moisture out of the air before it can condense, so all the other plants start dying off, which results in bunnies eating your personally-watered bit of green. While they're doing that, you're being eaten alive by mosquitoes because all the little trickling streams and small lakes turn into stagnant puddles when there's not enough water to keep the streams flowing too fast for mosquito larvae to survive in. Oh, and you're getting sunburned under those mosquito bites, because there'll be less cloud cover and temperatures will be disgustingly hot and humid. There's no such thing as "dry heat" in "The Land of 1000+ Lakes".

We seem to be back on the cycle of getting a decent amount of snow in the winter. THIS IS A GOOD THING. Falling snow releases kinetic energy and warms the ambient air temperature. It insulates the ground. More snow means warmer winter temperatures and a higher water table. We've had only one or two days where the temperature and windchill were so far below zero that eyeballs freeze solid. Plants will germinate earlier and the water table will be high enough that I won't be disappointed when I go to Minnehaha or Gooseberry Falls. There will be less mosquitoes and less bunnies eating your garden. More clouds in summer means lower temperatures. Yes, you have to shovel, unless you own a snowblower or a Yooper Scooper. Personally, I'm laughing at the people whining because they sold their snowblower since they hadn't used it in a couple years. This is Minnesota. One should, by rights, have the snowblower in the garage, tuned and gassed up every year because it's not uncommon for us to get hit with a blizzard around Easter - and because not having one is pretty much tempting fate. Which is probably what happened. Screw this climate change greenhouse-gas cyclical weather pattern crap, it was fate going "Oh. Huh. Hundreds of people in MN got rid of their snowblowers. Time to mess with them."

I can understand people in the Lower 48 pulling a Chicken Little and screaming that the sky is falling, because as far as the know, this frozen white stuff falling from the sky is some new Anthrax popsicle terr'ist bullshit. Minnesotans get no leeway, because they live here and should know better. I'm ok with people stating they hate snow or hate shoveling or hate running a plow on the roads when every stupid person in the world decides to go driving in a blizzard, but the people who are surprised by snow in Minnesota, in winter, especially in January, should shut up and stop showing how they failed grade-school Geography. It's been on the news. Snow in January is not news in this state, unless it is purple or contains the corpses of tiny frozen frogs or something. Sadly, it has not been that interesting, it has just been coming down in a quantity that people have become unaccustomed to.

In other news, having just googled "Can Anthrax be frozen", I probably just put myself on a terr'ist watchlist of some sort. Probably shouldn't amuse me as much as it does.
spookyevilone: (Default)
[Editor's Note: This conversation took place just before Thanksgiving. I locked it because I wasn't sure it had a point to it. I've decided it does, so I'm posting it.

I had a conversation tonight with my sister that sent me into a frothing rage because I object to everything in the conversation on so many levels that I couldn't articulate it during the conversation.

"Are you spending Turkey Day with That Guy's family?"
"No, he and I will do something on our own."
"Oh, that's good."
"..Why?"
"Well, don't you think you should lose some weight before meeting his family?"
"I've already met them. And? No. I do not think that at all. I am me. Fat, skinny, or motherfucking purple, I am ME and if anyone has a problem with that, tough."
"You're never getting married, you know."
"Don't care. Hey, hate to cut this short, but the cat is throwing up. Gotta go. Bye!"

List of Passive Aggressive Bullshit In This Conversation:
1) I should be ashamed of my weight.
Response: BULLSHIT! I am happy at the weight I am. I have no problems with my body, except that I'd like to tone up a little. And my boobs are annoying and sometimes I wish they were held on with velcro so I could remove them and leave them at home when they bothered me. And I wish I had robotic Terminator legs. But I digress.. it shouldn't matter if I was 111100lbs, if I was happy with myself and my body image. It is nobody's place to tell me, with or without words, that I should be ashamed of my body.

2) I should lose weight to "look good" or make a "good impression" on That Guy's family.*
Response: MORE BULLSHIT! So, not only should I be ashamed of how I look, but That Guy's family is shallow enough that it would matter? No. They're not, and they're not even my family and I resent the hell out of that implication on their behalf. But let's say they were. Let's say the Bizarro Universe version of them showed up and were shallow and image-centric. In what bloody universe would I ever give a flying fuck about the opinion of such people?! I mean.. are we also assuming I'm from Bizarro Universe? Because it would take a brain transplant to make me into someone who would ever give a shit what someone else thought of my body. At that point, I wouldn't be me anymore anyway and it wouldn't matter.

3) That Guy is ashamed of my weight and that is why we're not having Turkey Day with his family.
Response: Right. This has absolutely nothing to do with my social anxiety in crowds (his family gatherings are frequently large) or That Guy's compartmentalization of social groups. Or the fact that they'll likely do a traditional turkey thing and I'd sit there and make sad noises because I couldn't have any. It's all about an objection to my weight. And, even though That Guy has never said or done anything, ever, to indicate he has any issue with how I look - no matter how I look, and let's not forget this man frequently sees me in the mornings before I've showered or brushed my teeth - he's just being passive about his embarrassment of me. If I even thought that were likely to be true, I wouldn't be with him. Because my self image and self esteem is strong enough that I do not feel the need to be in emotionally abusive relationships. Which is why, dear sister, you are on notice.

4) My refusal to lose weight to look good for his family means he won't ever propose.
Response: Really, if that mattered, I wouldn't want him to anyway. Because I've been there and done that and gotten the shiny diamond ring, and I learn from my experiences. I'm not wasting my time wondering if he will or if he won't. I don't care. I'm happy + he's happy = perfectly fine arrangement by me. I see no reason to change that unless something in the equation changes, or there is a legal necessity to do so. I actually can't decide if I'm more incensed at the very idea that I should be pining for a marriage or the idea that my weight has anything to do with whether or not I ever get married.

5) Fat people are undesirable and nobody wants to marry them.
Response: I think this is the bit that makes me foam at the mouth the most. Marriage shouldn't be about image, not even in the minds of idiots. It shouldn't even be about love. I mean, love is nice and definitely a bonus in a marriage, but really, love on its own is a shitty reason to get married. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. That's what that whole 'for better or worse' part is about. It's two people agreeing to form a partnership and support each other for as long as the marriage lasts, mentally, emotionally, and physically if it comes down to it - and to extend that partnership to the raising of pets and children. Marrying because someone fits your image of what your ideal arm candy looks like is stupid. Marrying because you're "in love" is equally stupid unless you're also damn sure you're compatible with sharing a house, vehicles, bills, pets and children with that person. If you have all that, and you love the person, and your only objection to marrying them is their weight, frankly: You are a lousy, rotten, worthless human being and I hope you step on a Lego. Right under the big toe, where it'll hurt for hours.

I may not ever get married, but either way, it would have not a single, solitary damn thing to do with my weight. I may not get married because, and I know this is shocking since I'm female - I do not feel the need to get married. It'd be an easy way to change my name to something people can correctly pronounce and spell, but really? I can do that without getting married. Or if he committed a felony of which I had knowledge and I wanted to be sure I couldn't be called to testify against him. But frankly, were he to commit felonies, I trust him to do it in a manner that there is nobody with direct knowledge.

That Guy's Responses
So, foaming at the mouth in rage, I called That Guy so he could convince me homicide was not a valid response. When I got to the "Don't you think you should lose weight.." bit, his commentary was, "That's the part where you should have just hung up on her." When I finished relaying the conversation, his response was, "Because she's qualified to give relationship advice." I could hear him eyerolling. Seriously. He eyerolled so hard I could hear it over the phone. This is why I keep him.




* I've already met them. Everyone survived the encounter.
spookyevilone: (Default)
I got a call from a young man with a thick Irish brogue today. He scored points for having said thick, Irish brogue.

He promptly lost them by telling me that I'm pronouncing my first name incorrectly. Irked, I snippily informed him that no, I bloody well wasn't.

"Ah, lass, but ye see, I know ye are - yer name's Irish!" he crowed.

Deadpan, my response was, "No, it's Welsh. It's spelled with eleven letters and contains two L's and a Y."

And then there was a tragic accident with the handset and oops, I hung up on him.
spookyevilone: (Default)
If one is going to name drop being "very good friends" with the CEO of the company one is calling in to complain about..

Perhaps one should get his name correct? It's Gary. G-A-R-Y, not Jerry, like the mouse.
spookyevilone: (keeses)
1) Did I punch you in the face right after telling you "I hate you"?
2) Did I go out of my way to destroy your property or livelihood?
3) Do you molest children?
4) Do you perform vivisection on live animals or people?
5) Have you, with malicious intent, made any of my friends (and by friends, I mean the people I hang out with IRL) cry?
6) Were you the person responsible for my mother's brain melting out her ears?
7) Have you utterly abused my hospitality by stealing things from my home?
8) Were you ever Adolf Hitler?
9) Do you believe that civil rights are reserved for only select classes of people?
10) Have you ever beaten someone up or in other ways harmed them solely because they were a different color/sex/sexual orientation/creed/tribe/yadda than your own?
11) Do you raise cockroaches as pets?
12) Were you directly involved with the bombings of Japan during WWII?
13) Do you truly and honestly believe guns kill people?
14) Do you drive a "new" Hummer?
15) Do you trophy-hunt endangered species?

If the answer to any of the above is "YES", then you can be secure in the knowledge that I do, indeed, hate you.

If the answer to all of the above is "NO", then you're being a neurotic fuck an should get over it before you piss me off to the point that I don't want to associate with your insecure self anymore. That doesn't mean I hate you. It means I'm sick of this shit and expect people I associate with to fucking well know better.

Fuck this shit. I am not subtle about how I feel about people. If I don't like someone, that someone will have absolutely no doubt in their mind that I don't like them, because I'm usually so upfront about the fact that I don't like them that I send them home crying for mommy.

Jesus H. Capt'n Crunch Christ..

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