We all float down here..

Tomorrow morning at "OhgodswhyamIawake??", I leave for Vancouver, where I shall enjoy.. hrm.. rain, rain, rain, cloudy, showers, rain, and more rain.. Well, I'll enjoy the view, anyway, for a week.

In honour of that, I bring you, Things Not To Say To The Border Agents.

In answer to "What is your business in Canada?"
1. "I met some guys on Chat Roulette and they invited me up for a jihad.. that's like a party, right?"
2. "I hear pot is legal in Vancouver."¹
3. "You guys don't have the death penalty for capital crimes."
4. "I want my baby to be Canadian."
5. "You heard about the US Health Care bill, right?"
6. "Someone told me you can hunt baby seals with a MALLET!!"
7. "Drinking age is 18."
8. "Defecting."
9. "I hear I can get my prescription opiates over the counter.."
10."Isn't this where Sarah Palin's from?"

Because those bastards have no sense of humour.

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¹ - No, it isn't.

I wound up at Urgent Care this morning due to a massive nosebleed and bleeding from the gums. My nosebleeds are usually epic, but this went into whole new realms and it just would not stop.

Nurse: "What brings you in here today?"
Me: "I think I have ebola."
Nurse: *STARTLES* "WHAT?!"
Me: "I'm bleeding from the nose and gums, and at this point am waiting for it to start spurting from my eyes.."
Nurse: "So.. just a nosebleed?"
Me: *holds up the towel that has soaked through* "Look like 'just a nosebleed' to you? I have bad nosebleeds. This has gone beyond 'bad' and into new realms of 'do I need a transfusion?' Because if I do, we can probably just wring this out.. "
Nurse: "How do you feel?"
Me: "Crappy, thanks for asking. Please find out if I have ebola or not."

I do not. The doctor asked what medications I was on. I listed my migraine meds. Guess what is a fun, unlisted side effect of said meds. RANDOM BLEEDING MAY OCCUR.

So now we get to play medicine merry-go-round.