We all float down here..

"Is that the little shithead I want to waterboard with bear piss?"
"Why with piss? I mean, water works, so why piss?"
"Piss in the lungs hurts worse than water."
".... How do you know that?"
"Jetty, there are some things that a man just does not talk about with his little sister, ever."
"No, but.."
"No. Big brother talking. Baby sister just has to trust me."
"But.."
"No."
"Where did you even GET bear piss?!"
"From the bladder of a bear. Where else would you get it?"
"If I knew, would I ask?!"
"Fair point."
"Are you going to go bear hunting when you come home?"
"NO, JETTY! BAD! BAD SISTER! NO! STOP PLOTTING RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY!"
"But..!!"
"NO!"
"It's so cute how you think that the more you repeat it, that I'll eventually take it as an answer.."
"It's not like you ever listen to the first 'no'. I have to say it at least seven times before you start to think I might be serious."
"You're never serious."

For the Big Damn Event, I purchased lemons so people could have lemon slices with their tea. I forgot I had them in the cooler until late Saturday afternoon and wound up slicing them into a dispenser and adding water. My mother had died at 9:45 that morning. Someone who knew commented, upon seeing said dispenser full of lemon water, "Well, that's a way to make a statement! When life hands you lemons.."

Another saying, which is appropriate today, is from my brother: "Courage is taking action even when you're terrified." Secondary to that is, "There's a fine line between courage and stupidity." I'm not sure which side of the line I'm on, but I'm going to take the high road and say 'courageous'.

I handed in my resignation yesterday, and today was my last day. That last part wasn't my decision, and it wasn't really unexpected. It's not a bad thing, I'm ok with it. I'm kind of sad there wasn't cake, because it would have amused me to have had cake for my work anniversary this month and cake for my parting this month. I should have one delivered. Random acts of cake.

As to 'What In The World Will Peregrine Do Next?' - Same thing I do every week, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

Which I am expressing by giggling my ass off.

Baby Brother and I were the only two non-military members in my father's prodigious list of spawn.

He informed me today that his wife has joined the Navy. I'm fairly certain I'll get my ass kicked if I make any sort of 'eating Cracker Jacks' joke here. This leaves me as the only total holdout, since I have it on very good authority that That Guy does not play well enough with others to join any branch of service. (Though it amuses me to imagine his reaction when someone gave him an order he didn't agree with.)

I'm this generation's conscientious objector. I don't object to service or the military, but I tend to object very strongly to the shit they get sent out to do. Oh sure, killing people with impunity sounds like fun, but then there's all those years where you have to be ready to do so at a moment's notice and never actually get to. Boring, says I.

One more member of the clan to be proud of, worry about, and send packages to.

Brother: *insinuating stupidity into otherwise normal conversation* I read the other day that Brendan Fraser died of a drug overdose..
Me: You're thinking Heath Ledger.
Brother: Was he the guy in George of the Jungle? Cuz it was that dude.
Me: .. No, he didn't.
Brother: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I read he did.
Me: You realize that I'm well aware that it's April 1, yes?
Brother: *siiiighs* Damnit. Yeah, April Fool's!
Me: Doesn't count. I didn't fall for it.
Brother: You never fall for it.
Me: That's because I don't have Aspberger's.
Brother: Neither do I.
Me: .. Uhhhhh.. hm.
Brother: What? I do not!
Me: Um. You didn't know?
Brother: What the hell are you talking about?!
Me: You have Aspberger's. Dude, Dad never told you?! He told all of us. We were told to be nice to you when you do stupid shit like this because you're special and you can't help it.
Brother: I f'ing do not! .. What's Aspberger's?
Me: A form of autism.
Brother: I do not have goddamn autism!
Me: Whatever it takes to get you through the day, bubbi..
Brother: I am not a retard!
Me: It's not retardation, it's autism. It means you're prone to doing things like making sure all your socks match up, getting twitchy when the gas tank is less than half full, having insane interests in things other people find boring or stupid, and playing really, really stupid pranks or jokes on people.
Brother: .. Fuck. Why didn't anyone ever tell me?!
Me: .. guess they didn't want you to feel like you were different. We all knew, though. I thought for sure you knew by now. It's been the new black for a couple years, with all sorts of shit online about it..
Brother: You know I don't read the internet.. shit. Guess I'm going to have to, now. Is it curable?
Me: Nope. Just gets worse as you get older.
Brother: Goddamnit. This sucks.
Me: Yeah.. sorry about your luck..
Brother: Wait.. it's April Fool's day.. this is a prank, right?!
Me: .. uh.. no. You know I don't do those.
Brother: It's a prank! You're totally punking me out on this.
Me: You wish.
Brother: I've got my ways of finding out for sure.
Me: Do whatcha gotta do, bubbikins.
Brother: Later.
*click*

A short while later..

Brother: Hi. I'm sorry I got shirty with you earlier. I didn't mean to accuse you of lying.
Me: Except I was.
Brother: .. what? No you weren't! [OtherBrother] confirmed it!
Me: What day is it, again?
Brother: April 1.
Me: And you think we're not both yanking your chain?
Brother: He wouldn't do that... and you don't do April Fool's pranks..
Me: Unless revenge is a motive for a really stupid one you failed to pull on me..
Brother: See, now I think you're pranking me, trying to get me to believe I don't have Aspberger's..
Me: *cracks up* I win.
Brother: You're so full of shit.
Me: I. WIN.
Brother: .. I hate you. I'm going to be freaked out about this until tomorrow..

And that, folks, is my one and only prank of the day.