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More Craigslist adventures.
Mar. 15th, 2010 06:54 pmAfter a fairly ugly bout with ulcer foo and food poisoning this weekend, I decided to take today off to recover, rehydrate, and relax. I wasn't sure if there'd be a visit to the emergency room or not - thankfully, I came down on the 'not' side of that.
Searched Craigslist for clothing, since my business wardrobe is all in storage. Found someone offering a large lot of pants/slacks in my size, so I went to pick them up. They were handed to me by a guy, so I asked "Just to clarify - these are women's pants, yes?"
"Yes. They were my sister's. She bought them right before her bariatric surgery, and thought she'd be able to wear them afterward. She died due to complications of the surgery."
Awkward! I thanked him and told him I'd put them to good use. Got into the truck (YAY I HAVE MY TRUCK BACK! Oh, how do I love thee, truck, let me count the ways!) and promptly blinked, "I'm going to be wearing a dead woman's clothing. That's.. kind of cool, actually!"
I rampaged through several thrift stores and completed my wardrobe with blouses, blazers, and dress pants - most of the pants need to be hemmed severely because I am short and stout and apparently designers think if you are as stout as I happen to be, you should be at LEAST 6'4". No, seriously - these pants are 9" to 12" too long. It's ridiculous. Ivetta sent me the name of a tailor in my area, so I shall drop them all off and have that remedied.
Got my hair did, chopped off and highlighted, because since I was expressing my double-x-chromasomedness, I figured I might as well go whole hog. That seemed to set off some sort of primal female urges that I have not previously been subject to.
No, seriously. I bought makeup and a purse. Also a real wallet, finally. The purse is .. well, now it's too warm to wear a jacket and dress pants pockets aren't deep enough for my wallet and keys and phone, so I need somewhere to store that shit.
While in Makeup Store The Firste, the nice aesthetician was trying to talk me into eyebrow powder, which is like eyebrow pencils only.. powder. I have a thin spot on a brow that's recovering from a very bad wax job followed by me experimenting with this whole eyebrow plucking thing. I explained that and she perked up, "Oh! Can I show you how to do that? I learned how to do that in beauty school and I haven't ever gotten to show anyone!" By all means, have at! She managed to explain in a way that made sense and that I will be able to duplicate without unfortunate Marilyn Manson-esque results from now on.
See, I have two x-chromasomes - and have the DNA profile to prove it, damnit - but I'm also a perfect example of nature vs. nurture. Nobody ever showed me how to be a girl, so for things that are well within girly paradigm, I am at a major loss. Like eyebrow plucking. Also nail polish - I cannot colour within the lines to save my life. It doesn't matter when the only nail colour you wear is black but black is kind of a no-no in the professional business world.
After all that, I decided to get some sort of over the shoulder boulder holder that wasn't a gym bra. This lead to the annoying realization that my boobs are clearly bent on world domination, since they're once again a full cup size larger than they were a year ago. I've lost weight. The boobs should be shrinking, but no, they clearly want to expand enough that there's a defensive perimeter in front of me at all times. Now if I could only graft some sort of laser weapon into my body, that'd be damn useful. Since I can't, it's mostly just annoying and expensive. I spent as much on three bras as I did on pretty much everything else total that I bought today. Grr.
In Makeup Store the Seconde, I found this product called 'lip stain'. It's a permanent marker.. for your lips. Oh hells yes, sign me right up for that shit! I bought two and I may go back and buy more. Man, if this stuff came in black, blue, and green, I would be in seventh heaven. Sadly, it only comes in reds, oranges and browns. I need to find a really good, bright, hooker red. Every woman who wears lipstick needs at least one hooker red lipstick. It's in the manual.. somewhere.
That was my adventure today. I'm now going to go regress to age five and begin playing with makeup.
Searched Craigslist for clothing, since my business wardrobe is all in storage. Found someone offering a large lot of pants/slacks in my size, so I went to pick them up. They were handed to me by a guy, so I asked "Just to clarify - these are women's pants, yes?"
"Yes. They were my sister's. She bought them right before her bariatric surgery, and thought she'd be able to wear them afterward. She died due to complications of the surgery."
Awkward! I thanked him and told him I'd put them to good use. Got into the truck (YAY I HAVE MY TRUCK BACK! Oh, how do I love thee, truck, let me count the ways!) and promptly blinked, "I'm going to be wearing a dead woman's clothing. That's.. kind of cool, actually!"
I rampaged through several thrift stores and completed my wardrobe with blouses, blazers, and dress pants - most of the pants need to be hemmed severely because I am short and stout and apparently designers think if you are as stout as I happen to be, you should be at LEAST 6'4". No, seriously - these pants are 9" to 12" too long. It's ridiculous. Ivetta sent me the name of a tailor in my area, so I shall drop them all off and have that remedied.
Got my hair did, chopped off and highlighted, because since I was expressing my double-x-chromasomedness, I figured I might as well go whole hog. That seemed to set off some sort of primal female urges that I have not previously been subject to.
No, seriously. I bought makeup and a purse. Also a real wallet, finally. The purse is .. well, now it's too warm to wear a jacket and dress pants pockets aren't deep enough for my wallet and keys and phone, so I need somewhere to store that shit.
While in Makeup Store The Firste, the nice aesthetician was trying to talk me into eyebrow powder, which is like eyebrow pencils only.. powder. I have a thin spot on a brow that's recovering from a very bad wax job followed by me experimenting with this whole eyebrow plucking thing. I explained that and she perked up, "Oh! Can I show you how to do that? I learned how to do that in beauty school and I haven't ever gotten to show anyone!" By all means, have at! She managed to explain in a way that made sense and that I will be able to duplicate without unfortunate Marilyn Manson-esque results from now on.
See, I have two x-chromasomes - and have the DNA profile to prove it, damnit - but I'm also a perfect example of nature vs. nurture. Nobody ever showed me how to be a girl, so for things that are well within girly paradigm, I am at a major loss. Like eyebrow plucking. Also nail polish - I cannot colour within the lines to save my life. It doesn't matter when the only nail colour you wear is black but black is kind of a no-no in the professional business world.
After all that, I decided to get some sort of over the shoulder boulder holder that wasn't a gym bra. This lead to the annoying realization that my boobs are clearly bent on world domination, since they're once again a full cup size larger than they were a year ago. I've lost weight. The boobs should be shrinking, but no, they clearly want to expand enough that there's a defensive perimeter in front of me at all times. Now if I could only graft some sort of laser weapon into my body, that'd be damn useful. Since I can't, it's mostly just annoying and expensive. I spent as much on three bras as I did on pretty much everything else total that I bought today. Grr.
In Makeup Store the Seconde, I found this product called 'lip stain'. It's a permanent marker.. for your lips. Oh hells yes, sign me right up for that shit! I bought two and I may go back and buy more. Man, if this stuff came in black, blue, and green, I would be in seventh heaven. Sadly, it only comes in reds, oranges and browns. I need to find a really good, bright, hooker red. Every woman who wears lipstick needs at least one hooker red lipstick. It's in the manual.. somewhere.
That was my adventure today. I'm now going to go regress to age five and begin playing with makeup.
