From 0 to 'Enraged' in four sentences.
Jan. 3rd, 2011 07:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spookyevilone[Editor's Note: This conversation took place just before Thanksgiving. I locked it because I wasn't sure it had a point to it. I've decided it does, so I'm posting it.
I had a conversation tonight with my sister that sent me into a frothing rage because I object to everything in the conversation on so many levels that I couldn't articulate it during the conversation.
"Are you spending Turkey Day with That Guy's family?"
"No, he and I will do something on our own."
"Oh, that's good."
"..Why?"
"Well, don't you think you should lose some weight before meeting his family?"
"I've already met them. And? No. I do not think that at all. I am me. Fat, skinny, or motherfucking purple, I am ME and if anyone has a problem with that, tough."
"You're never getting married, you know."
"Don't care. Hey, hate to cut this short, but the cat is throwing up. Gotta go. Bye!"
List of Passive Aggressive Bullshit In This Conversation:
1) I should be ashamed of my weight.
Response: BULLSHIT! I am happy at the weight I am. I have no problems with my body, except that I'd like to tone up a little. And my boobs are annoying and sometimes I wish they were held on with velcro so I could remove them and leave them at home when they bothered me. And I wish I had robotic Terminator legs. But I digress.. it shouldn't matter if I was 111100lbs, if I was happy with myself and my body image. It is nobody's place to tell me, with or without words, that I should be ashamed of my body.
2) I should lose weight to "look good" or make a "good impression" on That Guy's family.*
Response: MORE BULLSHIT! So, not only should I be ashamed of how I look, but That Guy's family is shallow enough that it would matter? No. They're not, and they're not even my family and I resent the hell out of that implication on their behalf. But let's say they were. Let's say the Bizarro Universe version of them showed up and were shallow and image-centric. In what bloody universe would I ever give a flying fuck about the opinion of such people?! I mean.. are we also assuming I'm from Bizarro Universe? Because it would take a brain transplant to make me into someone who would ever give a shit what someone else thought of my body. At that point, I wouldn't be me anymore anyway and it wouldn't matter.
3) That Guy is ashamed of my weight and that is why we're not having Turkey Day with his family.
Response: Right. This has absolutely nothing to do with my social anxiety in crowds (his family gatherings are frequently large) or That Guy's compartmentalization of social groups. Or the fact that they'll likely do a traditional turkey thing and I'd sit there and make sad noises because I couldn't have any. It's all about an objection to my weight. And, even though That Guy has never said or done anything, ever, to indicate he has any issue with how I look - no matter how I look, and let's not forget this man frequently sees me in the mornings before I've showered or brushed my teeth - he's just being passive about his embarrassment of me. If I even thought that were likely to be true, I wouldn't be with him. Because my self image and self esteem is strong enough that I do not feel the need to be in emotionally abusive relationships. Which is why, dear sister, you are on notice.
4) My refusal to lose weight to look good for his family means he won't ever propose.
Response: Really, if that mattered, I wouldn't want him to anyway. Because I've been there and done that and gotten the shiny diamond ring, and I learn from my experiences. I'm not wasting my time wondering if he will or if he won't. I don't care. I'm happy + he's happy = perfectly fine arrangement by me. I see no reason to change that unless something in the equation changes, or there is a legal necessity to do so. I actually can't decide if I'm more incensed at the very idea that I should be pining for a marriage or the idea that my weight has anything to do with whether or not I ever get married.
5) Fat people are undesirable and nobody wants to marry them.
Response: I think this is the bit that makes me foam at the mouth the most. Marriage shouldn't be about image, not even in the minds of idiots. It shouldn't even be about love. I mean, love is nice and definitely a bonus in a marriage, but really, love on its own is a shitty reason to get married. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. That's what that whole 'for better or worse' part is about. It's two people agreeing to form a partnership and support each other for as long as the marriage lasts, mentally, emotionally, and physically if it comes down to it - and to extend that partnership to the raising of pets and children. Marrying because someone fits your image of what your ideal arm candy looks like is stupid. Marrying because you're "in love" is equally stupid unless you're also damn sure you're compatible with sharing a house, vehicles, bills, pets and children with that person. If you have all that, and you love the person, and your only objection to marrying them is their weight, frankly: You are a lousy, rotten, worthless human being and I hope you step on a Lego. Right under the big toe, where it'll hurt for hours.
I may not ever get married, but either way, it would have not a single, solitary damn thing to do with my weight. I may not get married because, and I know this is shocking since I'm female - I do not feel the need to get married. It'd be an easy way to change my name to something people can correctly pronounce and spell, but really? I can do that without getting married. Or if he committed a felony of which I had knowledge and I wanted to be sure I couldn't be called to testify against him. But frankly, were he to commit felonies, I trust him to do it in a manner that there is nobody with direct knowledge.
That Guy's Responses
So, foaming at the mouth in rage, I called That Guy so he could convince me homicide was not a valid response. When I got to the "Don't you think you should lose weight.." bit, his commentary was, "That's the part where you should have just hung up on her." When I finished relaying the conversation, his response was, "Because she's qualified to give relationship advice." I could hear him eyerolling. Seriously. He eyerolled so hard I could hear it over the phone. This is why I keep him.
* I've already met them. Everyone survived the encounter.
I had a conversation tonight with my sister that sent me into a frothing rage because I object to everything in the conversation on so many levels that I couldn't articulate it during the conversation.
"Are you spending Turkey Day with That Guy's family?"
"No, he and I will do something on our own."
"Oh, that's good."
"..Why?"
"Well, don't you think you should lose some weight before meeting his family?"
"I've already met them. And? No. I do not think that at all. I am me. Fat, skinny, or motherfucking purple, I am ME and if anyone has a problem with that, tough."
"You're never getting married, you know."
"Don't care. Hey, hate to cut this short, but the cat is throwing up. Gotta go. Bye!"
List of Passive Aggressive Bullshit In This Conversation:
1) I should be ashamed of my weight.
Response: BULLSHIT! I am happy at the weight I am. I have no problems with my body, except that I'd like to tone up a little. And my boobs are annoying and sometimes I wish they were held on with velcro so I could remove them and leave them at home when they bothered me. And I wish I had robotic Terminator legs. But I digress.. it shouldn't matter if I was 111100lbs, if I was happy with myself and my body image. It is nobody's place to tell me, with or without words, that I should be ashamed of my body.
2) I should lose weight to "look good" or make a "good impression" on That Guy's family.*
Response: MORE BULLSHIT! So, not only should I be ashamed of how I look, but That Guy's family is shallow enough that it would matter? No. They're not, and they're not even my family and I resent the hell out of that implication on their behalf. But let's say they were. Let's say the Bizarro Universe version of them showed up and were shallow and image-centric. In what bloody universe would I ever give a flying fuck about the opinion of such people?! I mean.. are we also assuming I'm from Bizarro Universe? Because it would take a brain transplant to make me into someone who would ever give a shit what someone else thought of my body. At that point, I wouldn't be me anymore anyway and it wouldn't matter.
3) That Guy is ashamed of my weight and that is why we're not having Turkey Day with his family.
Response: Right. This has absolutely nothing to do with my social anxiety in crowds (his family gatherings are frequently large) or That Guy's compartmentalization of social groups. Or the fact that they'll likely do a traditional turkey thing and I'd sit there and make sad noises because I couldn't have any. It's all about an objection to my weight. And, even though That Guy has never said or done anything, ever, to indicate he has any issue with how I look - no matter how I look, and let's not forget this man frequently sees me in the mornings before I've showered or brushed my teeth - he's just being passive about his embarrassment of me. If I even thought that were likely to be true, I wouldn't be with him. Because my self image and self esteem is strong enough that I do not feel the need to be in emotionally abusive relationships. Which is why, dear sister, you are on notice.
4) My refusal to lose weight to look good for his family means he won't ever propose.
Response: Really, if that mattered, I wouldn't want him to anyway. Because I've been there and done that and gotten the shiny diamond ring, and I learn from my experiences. I'm not wasting my time wondering if he will or if he won't. I don't care. I'm happy + he's happy = perfectly fine arrangement by me. I see no reason to change that unless something in the equation changes, or there is a legal necessity to do so. I actually can't decide if I'm more incensed at the very idea that I should be pining for a marriage or the idea that my weight has anything to do with whether or not I ever get married.
5) Fat people are undesirable and nobody wants to marry them.
Response: I think this is the bit that makes me foam at the mouth the most. Marriage shouldn't be about image, not even in the minds of idiots. It shouldn't even be about love. I mean, love is nice and definitely a bonus in a marriage, but really, love on its own is a shitty reason to get married. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. That's what that whole 'for better or worse' part is about. It's two people agreeing to form a partnership and support each other for as long as the marriage lasts, mentally, emotionally, and physically if it comes down to it - and to extend that partnership to the raising of pets and children. Marrying because someone fits your image of what your ideal arm candy looks like is stupid. Marrying because you're "in love" is equally stupid unless you're also damn sure you're compatible with sharing a house, vehicles, bills, pets and children with that person. If you have all that, and you love the person, and your only objection to marrying them is their weight, frankly: You are a lousy, rotten, worthless human being and I hope you step on a Lego. Right under the big toe, where it'll hurt for hours.
I may not ever get married, but either way, it would have not a single, solitary damn thing to do with my weight. I may not get married because, and I know this is shocking since I'm female - I do not feel the need to get married. It'd be an easy way to change my name to something people can correctly pronounce and spell, but really? I can do that without getting married. Or if he committed a felony of which I had knowledge and I wanted to be sure I couldn't be called to testify against him. But frankly, were he to commit felonies, I trust him to do it in a manner that there is nobody with direct knowledge.
That Guy's Responses
So, foaming at the mouth in rage, I called That Guy so he could convince me homicide was not a valid response. When I got to the "Don't you think you should lose weight.." bit, his commentary was, "That's the part where you should have just hung up on her." When I finished relaying the conversation, his response was, "Because she's qualified to give relationship advice." I could hear him eyerolling. Seriously. He eyerolled so hard I could hear it over the phone. This is why I keep him.
* I've already met them. Everyone survived the encounter.