When writing a Letter of Explanation..

[spookyevilone]

1) Don't say "Goddamn it, gimme the money already!"
2) Do a Find & Replace for any and all swearwords. I had to be creative - I use them as adjectives and really don't hear/see them.
3) The proper salutation is "To Whom It May Concern", not "Dear Tightwad"
4) Stick drawings of how I'd like to shoot Homecomings Financial in its figurative head are probably not appropriate.
5) ... nor are stick drawings of anything else.
6) "Because I'm small and cute" is probably not gonna fly as a reason for them to overlook the bad credit items. Probably.
7) "Because I have a great rack".. also probably not gonna fly. Also, probably.
8) Just because threat of tantrums works on elder sibs does not mean it will work on a mortgage company.
9) "Cross my heart and pinky-swear" .. yeah, that has to come out as well.
10) Signing it with the .gif of the stick figure smashing their hands and face into a keyboard until there's nothing but bloody goo left.. probably not the way to sign off. Even if it's exactly how I feel.

Comments

[ishara.livejournal.com]

2) Do a Find & Replace for any and all swearwords. I had to be creative - I use them as adjectives and really don't hear/see them.
3) The proper salutation is "To Whom It May Concern", not "Dear Tightwad"

LOL! Okay, so when Karl wrote a letter to the power company because they were screwing us around, I had to go through it and edit his letter in much the same way before we sent it, though I believe he used the term "Cockheads" instead of Tightwad.

[ishara.livejournal.com]

Also, in case you haven't already - you might want to remove the "P.S. Please stop being a bunch of Fuckwits." from the end of the letter. ;)

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Oooh.. Cockhead! That's one I didn't use! *stores for later*

They aren't being fuckwits... yet. I haven't submitted the loan to them.. yet. :/ I'm trying to spiff up the actual LoE in a way that makes me look like a responsible adult. It is.. as you see.. a bit difficult.

[greyboy.livejournal.com]

Everyone knows #1 only works when you finish the sentence with, "you bastards!"

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Damnit, I knew I'd left something out..

[pixel39.livejournal.com]

And the proper salutation is "Darling fascist bully-boys"

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

That'd be Old!Mortgage!Company. This is Mortgage!Company!Presumptive.

[pixel39.livejournal.com]

Actually we're quoting "The Young Ones". They write to Neil's bank:

"Darling fascist bully-boys;

Send us more money you bastards.

Love, Neil"

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

heh. I must've missed that ep..

[sskipstress.livejournal.com]

For 6 or 7 to affect the results, you have to deliver the letter in person. Although I've only had success with the method with car mechanics. Of course, they're the only ones I purposefully tried it on.