This shit only happens to me.

[spookyevilone]

On the bus this morning, a man redolent in the noxious fumes of used alcohol and vomit stood right in front of me. Trying not to gag, I stood and offered him my seat, trying to get as far away from him as possible. My way farther back into the bus was blocked by an annoying young boy who was holding both handrails like he was doing an artistic impression of Christ on a bus, and he would not let me pass him. The stinky man slurred a thank-you and slid into the seat. As he sat, he let out a loud trumpeting noise which, to his credit, he slurred an excuse-me for. It was only after the smell hit - and I cannot accurately describe this stench; words fail me and I'm not cruel enough to ask you to try and imagine it - and a slow, steady dripping noise began that I realized what had just transpired in the seat I'd vacated. The man had crapped himself, and appeared not to notice.

Right after that, the bus came to an abrupt stop, lurching forward, and I used the excuse and the momentum to plant the heel of my boot in the crucified young man's instep. When he yelped and reached to grab his foot, I deftly slid past him and escaped to the very back of the bus, still trying not to breathe.

Also trying not to burst into hysterical laughter.

Comments

[ishara.livejournal.com]

Got your message, reapply and I'll let you in.

Also? Ew.

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Danke. Also? Quite.