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My buddy Mikey's in the hospital today, losing more cred as a Dark Herald of the Sith with every test they do, as there is now proof that he actually has a heart that beats with more or less regularity.
So, I bring you:
Things Mikey Is Not Allowed To Do In The Hospital
1. Succumb to zombie plague.
2. Start a zombie plague.
3. Have any sort of small alien creature burst forth from his chest.
4. ... Unless he gets it on video and sends it to YouTube before he expires.
5. Use the phrase, "Hellooooo Nurse!"
6. Tell anyone he loves them.1
7. Suddenly find himself in Alchemilla Hospital.
8. Search doctor's desks for hidden Scotch.
9. Push the red button.
10. Reprogram any machines to a better OS.
11. Two words: Unnecessary amputations.2
12. Wind up with any of these on his chart.
13. Dismantle the machine that goes 'ping'.
14. .. Even if he does think he could make it better, stronger, faster.
15. Be implanted with a symbiote.
16. .. Implant anyone else with a symbiote.
17. Replace whatever swill they serve him with New Folgers Crystals. Because WE WILL NOTICE!
18. ... Be replaced by New Folgers Crystals. Again, WE WILL NOTICE!
19. Create bad poetry because he's thought of a nifty new rhyme for 'angiogram'
20. Name his nanobot 'The Good Ship Lollypop'.
21. .. Name anyone else's nanobot 'The Good Ship Lollypop'.
22. Create an army of bristlebots out of hospital toothbrushes and send them out to do his bidding.
23. Push the red button.3
24. Creatively connect his iPhone to the squiggly line machines to make his heart beat in time with his playlists.
25. .. or connect his iPhone to anyone else's squiggly line machines for any reason whatsoever.
1 - this is the kiss of death for hospital dramas. It's like saying "Hey, that looks like a shortcut.." in a slasher flick.
2 - Necessary amputations should be left to his wife's discretion. (Caveat: Any bits of Mikey automatically fall into the 'unnecessary' category. I pitched a big enough fit when he cut his hair off.)
3 - if you know Mikey, you know why this is on here twice. If you don't know Mikey.. let's just say, repetition of this rule is often necessary.
So, I bring you:
Things Mikey Is Not Allowed To Do In The Hospital
1. Succumb to zombie plague.
2. Start a zombie plague.
3. Have any sort of small alien creature burst forth from his chest.
4. ... Unless he gets it on video and sends it to YouTube before he expires.
5. Use the phrase, "Hellooooo Nurse!"
6. Tell anyone he loves them.1
7. Suddenly find himself in Alchemilla Hospital.
8. Search doctor's desks for hidden Scotch.
9. Push the red button.
10. Reprogram any machines to a better OS.
11. Two words: Unnecessary amputations.2
12. Wind up with any of these on his chart.
13. Dismantle the machine that goes 'ping'.
14. .. Even if he does think he could make it better, stronger, faster.
15. Be implanted with a symbiote.
16. .. Implant anyone else with a symbiote.
17. Replace whatever swill they serve him with New Folgers Crystals. Because WE WILL NOTICE!
18. ... Be replaced by New Folgers Crystals. Again, WE WILL NOTICE!
19. Create bad poetry because he's thought of a nifty new rhyme for 'angiogram'
20. Name his nanobot 'The Good Ship Lollypop'.
21. .. Name anyone else's nanobot 'The Good Ship Lollypop'.
22. Create an army of bristlebots out of hospital toothbrushes and send them out to do his bidding.
23. Push the red button.3
24. Creatively connect his iPhone to the squiggly line machines to make his heart beat in time with his playlists.
25. .. or connect his iPhone to anyone else's squiggly line machines for any reason whatsoever.
1 - this is the kiss of death for hospital dramas. It's like saying "Hey, that looks like a shortcut.." in a slasher flick.
2 - Necessary amputations should be left to his wife's discretion. (Caveat: Any bits of Mikey automatically fall into the 'unnecessary' category. I pitched a big enough fit when he cut his hair off.)
3 - if you know Mikey, you know why this is on here twice. If you don't know Mikey.. let's just say, repetition of this rule is often necessary.
