Filthy hipster mint thieves
Oct. 14th, 2011 10:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spookyeviloneMy debit card was hacked. The good news is that my bank's fraud detection department totally earned a raise this year - they caught it before I did and squashed all but the first charge. Sadly, this meant I had to rush to a bank last night to get a replacement temporary debit card, and will now have to change all my damn autopay information.
It was weird, how I found out. There was 'strange activity' on my account two weeks ago, stemming from my cat's ass cancer and the flurry of large amounts of money going into and then back out of my bank account, so they put a "watch" on it. Physical checks got paid, deposits were credited but not processed, and my debit card was put on lockdown. I haven't used it in awhile anyway, so I didn't notice. I needed to buy a rice cooker last night, so I logged into my bank account to check the balance and saw this retardedly small, weird charge.
"CHKCARD MICHAELRJORABurleyMTUS - $7.78"
I immediately called the bank. "Hey, we're glad you called. We tried to contact you, but your phone was off. We've locked your debit card because about $200 worth of fraudulent activity was logged yesterday.."
The only thing I did yesterday was pledge on a Kickstarter, which went through Amazon Payments, who have that debit card on file and I clicked 'Yes, I want to use card ending in ****'. Amazon sent a $1 charge, which I assume is one of those 'is this a legit card? it is. ok.' things, and minutes later, the $7.78 charge is listed, and minutes after that, the more expensive charges tried to get racked up but the bank stopped them.
It's a minor annoyance to replace the card and try to memorize another g'damn PIN, but what is really, really bugging me is..
WHAT THE FUCK DID THE THIEF BUY?!
$7.78 is such a weird amount! It had to be an online payment for something, because the actual debit card was in my possession. I tried to track down Michael R. Jorda(n) in Burley, Montana, but that doesn't seem to exist. Burley, Idaho does but it's actually nowhere near Montana. There's a Burley Mt. in Washington, but it doesn't look like anyone lives there, unless they are Grizzly Adams pioneer types and in that case - the fuck, they have internet? I could be wrong about the name. It could be Michael R. Jordache or Michael R. Jordalopski for all I know, but Jordan seems the most likely name.
I really, really want to know what it was the thief bought. I'd like it even better if I could track down this seller and get the item shipped to me, since I paid for it. Sadly, not being able to trace that name and location is seriously hampering my ability to accomplish this. I used to do skip traces for a living, so my inability to find this person is driving me fucking crazy.
A google search for the $7.78 amount tells me it could be any of the following:
AV cable for iPod.
3/16" Straight Router Bit.
Madhava Light Organic Agave Nectar (46 oz bottle).
Axe Shower Gel (Thai Massage).
SE Military (Prismatic) Lansatic Compass.
4-Pack 6 Foot HDMI Cables.
1 lb. Misty Mints.
Thus I conclude: THE THIEF IS CLEARLY A FUCKING HIPSTER!
An iPod-wearing, Agave Nectar sipping, minty breathed hipster who reeks of Axe Shower Gel (Thai Massage), never gets lost, & works with wood.
I object to the "Straight Router Bit". I hope it goes flamingly gay and tells him what terrible goddamn taste he has and that he fails at life.
(I secretly want the mints.)
(Not so much a secret now that I have told the entire goddamn internet.)
Today is Day 2 of Project MintStalk - the bank is waiting for the $7.78 charge to clear so they can do a traceback. They offered to refund. Said I want the mints. This confused the poor phone person, so I had to explain. That confused her even more.
Then I thought, maybe the thief needed them. Like, maybe he's protesting OccupyEverywhere somewhere and doesn't have a toothbrush, just his iPad.
I mean, you don't want disgusting breath when you're chanting outraged slogans at people. That's a total turn-off. They won't listen to you.
OK OK OK! So if this is a hipster, it's probably not an iPad, but some tablet I've proably never heard of. The fact remains: did not have toothbrush, needed mints.
Armed with only a tablet PC, the thief was forced to forage for himself (or herself) the only way they could - hacking my card to buy mints.
Sure, they could have pan handled, but that would infringe on their moral superiority while protesting banking handouts. Wouldn't want that.
But I still want those goddamn mints! Or whatever it was. It's almost better that I don't know. If I could get ahold of the seller and have it shipped to me, it'd be like a present! A present I bought myself but totally have no idea what it is! (contrary to popular belief, this doesn't actually happen to me as much as you'd think it might)
[edit]
Ishara: They'd want to be mints that give you superpowers for that price ;)
Me: Which means THE THIEF IS GETTING MY SUPERPOWER-GRANTING MINTS! Goddamn them! Goddamn them to hell! I WANT THOSE MINTS!
Ishara: Of course now the thief is a super-villain, and they have your superpower granting mints, so I hope you have a lotta gadgets
No! They don't have them yet! There is still time for me to track down MICHAELRJORDA!
Because if anyone is going to become a mint-powers-granted-supervillain, it is gonna be this girl right here!
AUUUGH!
It was weird, how I found out. There was 'strange activity' on my account two weeks ago, stemming from my cat's ass cancer and the flurry of large amounts of money going into and then back out of my bank account, so they put a "watch" on it. Physical checks got paid, deposits were credited but not processed, and my debit card was put on lockdown. I haven't used it in awhile anyway, so I didn't notice. I needed to buy a rice cooker last night, so I logged into my bank account to check the balance and saw this retardedly small, weird charge.
"CHKCARD MICHAELRJORABurleyMTUS - $7.78"
I immediately called the bank. "Hey, we're glad you called. We tried to contact you, but your phone was off. We've locked your debit card because about $200 worth of fraudulent activity was logged yesterday.."
The only thing I did yesterday was pledge on a Kickstarter, which went through Amazon Payments, who have that debit card on file and I clicked 'Yes, I want to use card ending in ****'. Amazon sent a $1 charge, which I assume is one of those 'is this a legit card? it is. ok.' things, and minutes later, the $7.78 charge is listed, and minutes after that, the more expensive charges tried to get racked up but the bank stopped them.
It's a minor annoyance to replace the card and try to memorize another g'damn PIN, but what is really, really bugging me is..
WHAT THE FUCK DID THE THIEF BUY?!
$7.78 is such a weird amount! It had to be an online payment for something, because the actual debit card was in my possession. I tried to track down Michael R. Jorda(n) in Burley, Montana, but that doesn't seem to exist. Burley, Idaho does but it's actually nowhere near Montana. There's a Burley Mt. in Washington, but it doesn't look like anyone lives there, unless they are Grizzly Adams pioneer types and in that case - the fuck, they have internet? I could be wrong about the name. It could be Michael R. Jordache or Michael R. Jordalopski for all I know, but Jordan seems the most likely name.
I really, really want to know what it was the thief bought. I'd like it even better if I could track down this seller and get the item shipped to me, since I paid for it. Sadly, not being able to trace that name and location is seriously hampering my ability to accomplish this. I used to do skip traces for a living, so my inability to find this person is driving me fucking crazy.
A google search for the $7.78 amount tells me it could be any of the following:
AV cable for iPod.
3/16" Straight Router Bit.
Madhava Light Organic Agave Nectar (46 oz bottle).
Axe Shower Gel (Thai Massage).
SE Military (Prismatic) Lansatic Compass.
4-Pack 6 Foot HDMI Cables.
1 lb. Misty Mints.
Thus I conclude: THE THIEF IS CLEARLY A FUCKING HIPSTER!
An iPod-wearing, Agave Nectar sipping, minty breathed hipster who reeks of Axe Shower Gel (Thai Massage), never gets lost, & works with wood.
I object to the "Straight Router Bit". I hope it goes flamingly gay and tells him what terrible goddamn taste he has and that he fails at life.
(I secretly want the mints.)
(Not so much a secret now that I have told the entire goddamn internet.)
Today is Day 2 of Project MintStalk - the bank is waiting for the $7.78 charge to clear so they can do a traceback. They offered to refund. Said I want the mints. This confused the poor phone person, so I had to explain. That confused her even more.
Then I thought, maybe the thief needed them. Like, maybe he's protesting OccupyEverywhere somewhere and doesn't have a toothbrush, just his iPad.
I mean, you don't want disgusting breath when you're chanting outraged slogans at people. That's a total turn-off. They won't listen to you.
OK OK OK! So if this is a hipster, it's probably not an iPad, but some tablet I've proably never heard of. The fact remains: did not have toothbrush, needed mints.
Armed with only a tablet PC, the thief was forced to forage for himself (or herself) the only way they could - hacking my card to buy mints.
Sure, they could have pan handled, but that would infringe on their moral superiority while protesting banking handouts. Wouldn't want that.
But I still want those goddamn mints! Or whatever it was. It's almost better that I don't know. If I could get ahold of the seller and have it shipped to me, it'd be like a present! A present I bought myself but totally have no idea what it is! (contrary to popular belief, this doesn't actually happen to me as much as you'd think it might)
[edit]
Ishara: They'd want to be mints that give you superpowers for that price ;)
Me: Which means THE THIEF IS GETTING MY SUPERPOWER-GRANTING MINTS! Goddamn them! Goddamn them to hell! I WANT THOSE MINTS!
Ishara: Of course now the thief is a super-villain, and they have your superpower granting mints, so I hope you have a lotta gadgets
No! They don't have them yet! There is still time for me to track down MICHAELRJORDA!
Because if anyone is going to become a mint-powers-granted-supervillain, it is gonna be this girl right here!
AUUUGH!