Tis the season..

[spookyevilone]

I'm Native American. Right around November, this starts to cause a lot of consternation for people who Just Don't Get It. Here are some examples from this year:

Coworker: [insert blahblahblah Thanksgiving blah blah pumpkin pie blah blah..] Peregrine, you like to cook. What are you making for Thanksgiving? Anything special?
Me: Um.. no. I don't celebrate it.
Coworker: Oh, right - you're a vegetarian. So do you do a tofu turkey? Are those any good? I think they'd taste like paste, unless they made it with like, turkey broth or something.
Me: I'm also Native American, and thanksgiving isn't such a big thing for us.
Coworker: Sure it is! It's when the Natives and the whites came together in peace and harmony!
Me: .. Actually, it's when the Natives saved the white folk's asses from starving to death because they were too busy praying for help instead of farming and gathering food. You all might be thankful that happened, but we kinda came to regret it after the first smallpox epidemic.

"So what do Native Americans do for Christmas?"
".. um.. Put up a tree, have some eggnog, exchange gifts?"
"But you don't believe in cutting down trees, right? Because it would harm the earth spirits?"
".. There are fake Christmas trees.. I can't really say one way or the other whether that no-live-tree thing is anathema to anyone else. I don't do live trees because I consider it a stupid waste of a mature tree."
"I don't get it, though. You don't believe in Christ, you don't believe in cutting down trees, so how can you hold Christmas?"
"Are you talking just me, the tree-hugging dirtworshipper who happens to be Native American, or NA's in general?"
"NA's in general."
"Most of them celebrate Christmas."
"I just don't get it."

"Does your family celebrate Christmas?"
"Yup."
"Even the Indian part?"
"Yup."
"How do they fit a tree in the tipi?" (Note: This was an actual question, not sarcasm.)
".. what?"
"You said before that they live on a reservation, so.. I mean, that's all back to the roots tipis and stuff, right?"
".. No. It's like any other small town. Cherokee never lived in tipi. Now they have houses and Christmas trees fit just fine."

"What do you get your relatives for Christmas?"
"Whatever I think they'd like?"
"No, I mean, is there some spiritual stuff to get them? Like, Christians give Christ-themed things for Christmas, Jews give dreidels and gelt and stuff for Christmas, so.."
"Um. No. We just do.. normal gifts." [Brain still boggling from 'Jews give..for Christmas..]

Comments

[jinian.livejournal.com]

Here via friendsfriends, nearly expelled water through my nose at the tipi and Jews/Christmas bits. Wow. So, you just need to share totally the same perspective with white Americans, but fit all the NA stereotypes too! It's easy!

(Since your post is public, I'm linking it from the IBARW Del.icio.us page. Please let me know if you prefer otherwise.)

[jinian.livejournal.com]

(Oh right, link to the page I'm talking about (http://del.icio.us/ibarw).)

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Welcome.
Link away. This journal was started specifically as a public journal, so people could link to things in it.

[hjart.livejournal.com]

Ouch... Is this the same woman who can't figure out that no meat means no meat, by chance?

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Scarily, no. The one in this post is a coworker from $Former_Employer. You saw the part about turkey broth flavouring on the tofu turkey, right?

[hjart.livejournal.com]

Yup. The stupid hurts. But is rather amusing sometimes, from a distance.

oh dear me.

[chimeramonster.livejournal.com]

I just about snorked my coffee out my nose about the tipi question. Dude, even the plains indians who actually *lived* in tipis (hey fort berthold rez!) only live in them during the warm part of the year when it makes sense to move around. They built them some earth lodges for when the ass-raping coldness set in. Nothing insulates like a good four feet of sod.

Although I suppose a christmas tree would look pretty good in the earthlodge....

Re: oh dear me.

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

I'm still stuck with a mental image of a bunch of hatchet-faced injuns doing some sort of appeasement ceremony as they cut down a Christmas tree.. so as not to hurt the earth-spirits' feelings or some shit.

Re: oh dear me.

[chimeramonster.livejournal.com]

Yeah, like anointing the stump some magical....something or other. Like...deer blood or...wafting sage smoke over it. Yeah, that's it! Umn...and dancing. Lots of dancing. With....feathers. And chanting. Sure, feathers and chanting. Oh, and dreamcatchers, gotta bring in a contingent of dream catchers. And probably make a totem pole out of trunk after christmas, just to cover all possible territory.

You know, I bet we could come up with a hilarious compilation of all the stereotypical injun pagentry and have a ball watching the silly white folks who think it's authentic. I get to wear the jingle dress!

[xanphibian.livejournal.com]

(here via ibarw's del.icio.us)

Wow. I mean, I know some folks are just completely clueless, but this goes beyond ignorance into flat-out stupidity.

[beerdrinkinlass.livejournal.com]

It's a good think that stupid isn't contagious. Well, at least not to those with enough intellect to be immune. ;D