PSA: How to disappear.

[spookyevilone]

My mother used to work with battered women. More often than I'd like to think about, she had to give the "How to disappear" lesson. It's one of those things that's stuck in my head - unfortunately, it sticks because I've had to give the lesson to people in dangerous situations. The main phrase is "Stop, drop, and go."



First step: Decide what kind of dissappearance you need. Do you need to disappear for short term, a year or less, until your situation is safe, or do you need to disappear for good because your situation will never be safe? Everything you will need to do will depend on what kind you need. I'm going to concentrate on the first part for now.

Second step: Don't trust anyone. I am not kidding here. Do not, for the love of all that is holy, tell ANYONE where you are going or even that you are going. They can't tell what they don't know.

Third step: Raid your wallet. Get your hands on all available cash - drain your bank account, get cash advances from all your credit cards, if you have people you can borrow from without explaining why, do it. If you need medication, get it all filled before you leave. You will not be filling it while you're running. Then: LEAVE EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE CASH BEHIND. Don't bring your driver's license, your credit cards, your ATM card, your check book, your library card - NOTHING. Don't bring your cell phone, your PDA, your laptop. If it's not cash, do not bring it. When there is a search for you - and there will be - this single step will tell police that you ran, and then they will start looking into why. If it's an abusive situation, believe me, they're going to get interested, more interested on why you felt you had to disappear than on finding you - unless you did something dumb like leave a corpse behind.

Third-and-a-half step: If you're running from an abusive situation and your abuser has a handgun in your home and you can get the gun, take it. If you know how to turn the safety on turn it on but if not don't try, wrap it in a towel, and dump it in the nearest public mailbox you find. Post office employees will NOT touch the gun, they'll get the police, who will be asking some very hard questions of the gun's owner.

Fourth step: Pack only clothes that can't be identified. Leave your favourite jacket, hat, shoes, sweater, etc, behind. Jeans and plain t-shirts or sweat shirts work best. If you can afford it, leave all clothes behind and buy more at a thrift store when you get where you're going - and then, buy clothes that you don't normally wear. If you're a jeans and t-shirts person, go for slacks or skirts and professional shirts or sweaters. Leave EVERYTHING ELSE behind. Don't bring mementos; don't bring the cat or dog. Get out.

Fifth step: Change how you look, but not drastically. If you normally wear your hair down, pull it back. If you don't wear glasses, get a pair of reading glasses at a drugstore and put those on. If you wear glasses, take them off or switch to contacts. If you don't wear makeup, put some on - and if you do, use lip liner to make your lips a bit fuller, eyebrow pencil to darken your brows, mascara to darken eyelashes - it will help change the shape of your face. If you do wear makeup, don't wear any. If you can get away with a baseball cap, wear one, but for the love of gods don't do the low-on-forehead "I'm Hiding" thing or wear it with Elvis sunglasses.

Sixth step: STAY OFF THE COMPUTER AND OFF THE PHONE! Don't update any social sites, don't send any email, don't call anyone - do not say goodbye, don't let anyone know you're going. This is the hardest, most stressful part. Remember that the people who love you want you alive and safe and they will forgive you later as long as you do what you can to remain alive and safe. When you get to where you're going, STAY OUT OF CONTACT! No calls, no emails, no postcards, no letters. Nothing.

Seventh step: Use public transit - a bus or train, NOT A TAXI, YOUR CAR, A BORROWED OR RENTED CAR! Walk, if necessary, as far as you need to go to achieve public transit. Greyhound does not require ID to purchase a ticket.

Eighth step: Get out of your state. Go somewhere you've never been, never talked about, and don't have relatives. Get as far away as you can, but don't go to prominent tourist traps like Las Vegas. It's harder to get lost there than it is in a very rural place. There are more cameras, people ask more questions. If it's abuse you're running from, get to a shelter in the new state and tell them you fear for your life. They will work with you and almost all battered women's shelters have an "underground" of safe houses. They can help get you a restraining order, as well.

Ninth step: If you can't go to a shelter, you have two main options. 1) Cheap hotel. This should only be used if the weather is bad or if you only need to be gone a short while, because the costs will add up very fast and drain your cash. I advocate getting to a state that doesn't have weather you can't camp in. 2) Camping. Camping gear is cheap, anonymous, and most state/county parks have cheap tent camp sites and do not require an ID.

Tenth step: Change EVERYTHING. Don't give anyone your real name, social security #, phone #, former address, address of a relative, birth date, nada. Don't go to restaurants or fast food places you've formerly gone to. Don't shop at stores you've been known to frequent. Get a haircut and change the colour. If you're male, change your facial hair - either grow some or shave it all off. Change your habits. Anything you frequently did - be it jogging, golfing, going to bookstores, going to coffee shops, stop doing it.

Eleventh step: Lay low until the danger has passed. Stay out of contact with everyone. If you're in a hotel, don't use the phone - get a prepaid cell phone. If you only need to be gone a few weeks or a few months, DO NOT GET FAKE IDs! If you smoke, stop. Seriously. Don't use any sort of fake ID to buy cigarettes, booze, etc, because that's fraud and if you get caught it's jail and/or a huge fine, plus a fine for the place you tried to use it, so they're not likely to let it slide. Asking someone to buy cigarettes or booze for you will draw attention - and in most states, it's illegal. Any ID you can get on the internet is going to be crap. Trust me - the internet is NOT the place to buy a fake ID. If you need a new identity, my best advice is to work through protective services - women's shelters can help with this. Stay off the internet. Did you hear me? STAY OFF THE INTERNET. This is the single most mistake most "runaways" make. They go online, they log into Facebook, LJ, Twitter, MySpace, or check their email from somewhere they think is "safe" like an internet cafe or library. This is not safe. It leaves a log with an IP address that will identify what city and state you're in. Even if you go to a different state, it can point out what region of the country you're in. I don't care what sort of 31337 h4><0r you think you are, you don't have dick on a good computer forensics expert, and most police departments have one either on the force or on call. If they're looking for you, don't make yourself easy to find.

Twelfth step: If ever confronted about lack of documentation, "My wallet/purse was stolen and I'm waiting for replacements." is your best friend.

Thirteenth step: If you're going to be gone long enough that you need to have an income, plan on working labourer-type jobs. Dishwasher, lawn care, house cleaning, snow shoveling. Most of these types of jobs you can find on Craigslist from an internet cafe, most of them pay cash, and most do not require ID. If you did some sort of craft, don't plan on using that as a means to make money because it's one of the things law enforcement will use to narrow the scope of the search, if there is one.

Obviously, there are more steps if it's a long term disappearance, but I'm not going to go into that right now. Perhaps another post. Some of the things discussed in that are not legal, and I advocate working within the law as much as possible.

Contrary to what you see in movies, faking your own death is a crime. If you're an adult, going 'missing' is not - unless you try to make it look like a crime. Getting a fake birth certificate is not as easy as ordering one off the internet or locating the birth certificate of a dead infant. Getting a new driver's license or social security number is even harder. You can stay off the grid and below radar a long time without any documentation.

Comments

[akitrom.livejournal.com]

What resources are available for men who have to disappear? Do women's shelters help them, too?

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Most of them, yes. In MN, most definitely - my mother is the reason for that. All shelters would have resources for people who need to get out of dangerous situations regardless of gender and cannot, by law, discriminate. Though they may not be set up for safe houses for men they would probably have referrals. Alternately, homeless shelters usually also have resources, but those are mostly overworked and less knowledgeable about abuse situations.