BSG: s1e3

[spookyevilone]

Gaius: *broods*
Six: God has a plan for you, Gaius. Gaius? Are you listening? I DEMAND ATTENTION!
Gaius: Shut up, woman! Can't you see I'm brooding?!

Everyone else on BSG: Opening.. sequence... so.. slow.. Will...to .. live.. fading... zzzZZZzzzz..

Six: You have to believe in something.
Gaius: I don't have to if I don't want to! You're not the boss of me!

Cally: Why do the Cylons come every 33 minutes? Why not every 34 or 35 or..
Chief: ZOMG WOULD YOU STFU?! Seriously, bitch, quit your whining!
Cally: ZOMGPWNIES! He spoke to me! He loves me! But.. he was mean to me.. but.. maybe he's only mean because he loves me.. omg, does my hair look ok?!

Adama: We're getting slower.
(Audience: NOT EFFING POSSIBLE!)
Tigh: Maybe this time..
Adama: It's so cute, this triumph of hope over experience you have. We've been running every 33 minutes for days on end now. Now shut up and let me do my command thing.

Gaius: I am going crazybeans!
SB: MY EYES ARE CRAZIER THAN YOURS!
Gaius: NOT FOR LONG, BITCH!

Apollo: They see me rollin', they hatin'..

Adama: I'm such a luddite, I use a wickedly old fashioned razor. None of this namby-pamby Cylon-infiltratable electronich shit for me!
Tigh: Dude, it's a razor.
Adama: EXACTLY! Get off my jacket.
Tigh: Oh look, I gave your food cooties! .. Were you gonna eat that?
Adama: .. not anymore.

Mme President: ZOMG ONLY 49,998 PEOPLE! Get with the babymaking, people!
Six: Gaius, do you want children?
Gaius: Lemme think about tha..NO.
Six: God wants you to procreate.
Gaius: He's not the boss of me!
Six: I want us to have a child.
Gaius: I want a harem of beautiful nubile young things, a penthouse apartment on Caprica, a Ferrari, and oh yeah, your entire race to stop hunting and killing mine so I can get a goddamn nap! We don't always get what we want, so suck it up, Buttercup.

Oh hai thar, Reaver music.

Apollo: SB, take some speed.
SB: DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE I NEED SPEED TO YOU?! My god, you suck! Quit being a whiny little bitch and ball up! Act like a man! Don't you know how to treat a woman who won't listen?! Hit her in the mouth and drag her down to Sickbay and pump her full of drugs!
Apollo: But.. I thought you hated it when..
SB: MY EYES ARE STILL OF THE CRAZY!
Apollo: *giggles* That's so cute.
SB: 'tever.
Apollo: So.. uh.. I don't really have to hit you in the mouth, do I? Because I'm pretty sure you'd break me.
SB: No, just.. gimme the damn pills and get out of here.
Apollo: Ok.
Chief: *stares*
SB: WHAT?! Haven't you ever seen a woman with penis envy before?!
Chief: *shakes head; walks away*

Adama: Even though I shaved less than an hour ago, the fur has re-sprouted on my face.
Peon: .. What?
Adama: Nevermind. Did we all come through the jump ok?
Peon: Yes.. by which I mean.. no. Oops?
Tigh: See what happens when there are women in the military?!
Adama: Sorry, Peon - he hasn't had a drink yet in this episode. Ignore him. Keep in mind, when you screw up, people die and God kills a kitten. Remember to think of the kittens. But no pressure.
Mme President: ZOMG 47k people?! BABIES! MAKE WITH THE BABIES! Now, where's that doctor? The one who could tell me about the traitor that let the Cylons eradicate our species?
Billy: .. Remember that ship that just went missing?
Mme President: .. This week could not ge..
Billy: DO NOT FUCKING SAY IT!

Six: God's watching out for you, Gaius.
Gaius: God is a bastard. Or would be, if he existed, but he doesn't. So there.

Apollo: You three, the ones on speed, come with me. Everyone else, go sleep. Boomer, Doc tells me you're holding up better than anyone.
Boomer: Doc should shut his face! I'm virtually indistinguishable from everyone else!
SB: She's a CYLON!
Boomer: Am not!
SB: Are too!
Boomer: AM NOT!
SB: Boomer is a Cylon, Boomer is a Cylon, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!
Boomer: Daaaadddd! SB's teasing meee!
Apollo: Shut up, you two! Do not make me turn this spaceship around!

Olympic: Peekaboo!
Adama: FUCK! Restart the clock! 33 minutes until all hell breaks loose!
Tigh: .. How do you know that..?
Adama: .... Have you met our writers?
Tigh: Point. I hope you're wrong.
Adama: Remember what I said about that whole hope over experience thing? It's losing its cuteness. I'm never wrong.

Gaius: NO! They were missing! I'd just started to relax! How can this be happening?
Six: God hates you.
Gaius: There is no god!
Six: Either god hates you or that ship has been infiltrated by Cylons. Aren't you supposed to be a genius? How is it you never figure this shit out on your own?
Gaius: But.. that would really suck..
Six: Hello! Caprica to Gaius, Caprica to Gaius - perfect excuse to blow that ship out of the air and remove the potential threat to your deep dark secret! Do I need to put a big red bow on it?!
Gaius: Oooooh yeaaaah!
Six: *siiighs*
Gaius: Mme President.. I shall now freak out on you to convince you of my sincerity when I tell you there are Cylons on that ship!
Mme President: .. Adama?
Adama: Of course there are Cylons on that ship. We should shoot it. A lot. For practice.
Gaius: Yes!
Billy: Thank god you're with us, Gaius!
Gaius: GOD IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
Adama: .. And.. the ship has nukes and it's headed right for us.
Gaius: SHOOT IT!
Mme President: .. There are civilians on there. CIVILIANS WHO COULD HAVE BABIES!
Adama: We need to shoot it.
Six: Admit there's a god and you'll be saved, Gaius.
Gaius: No!
Six: Tell god he is the boss of you.
Gaius: Fine! God is the boss of me!
Mme President: Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out.
Apollo: Right. SB, you're with me.
SB: Lee, what if you're wrong??
Apollo: Do you not know what my name is?? Who my father is?? I am never wrong! Shoot it!
SB: NO!
Apollo: Are you disobeying a direct order.. AGAIN?!
SB: Frak it.

Olympic: *explodes*

Six: Helo?
Helo: Name, Rank, Serial Number!
Six: I know who you are! I'm a friend. Kiss me!
Helo: ... wha..?
Six: *chokes; dies*
OBVIOUSLY NOT BOOMER: Are you ok?!
Helo: Boomer?!
ONB: .. Not answering that. Come on, let's go.
Six: This dying shit is getting really old.

Adama: This is all my fault.
Apollo: No, it's mine.
Adama: MINE
Apollo: NO, MINE!
Adama: As your commanding officer, I order you to relinquish this guilt unto me!
Apollo: Fine.
Mme President: Screw you both, it's MY fault.
Billy: Mme President, the first of the babies has been born.
Mme President: Bayyyybieeeees!!!!
Adama: Why'd you have to go and tell her that?
Billy: Did you want her in a depressed funk for the next week?
Adama: Point. Carry on, then.
Mme President: Babies babies babies babies BABIESSS!



This ep was so painfully slow.

Comments

[hypomanic-poet.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what BSG is, but I still LOL'ed. ^.^

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

The "reimagining" of Battlestar Galactica.