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I'm a dirty girl.
Jun. 1st, 2008 11:56 pmSo it's a good thing I make my own soap. Friends came over to learn how.
Recipe:
48 ounces Crisco (a 3-pound can)
21 ounces Canola oil
16 ounces Coconut Oil
4 oz Beeswax
28 ounces of cold water
12 ounces lye crystals
Temperatures: 115 degrees
Trace by hand should be in about 20 minutes. Cure about 24-48 hours before cutting.
Process:
Become irritated when friends try to distract one from the obligatory "Hi, we're playing with shit that could hurt you, here's how not to get hurt!" rundown. Grit teeth, remind self that they have brains. Resist urge to remedy that with nearby hacksaw. This is your brain. This is your brain on NOT LISTENING TO ME WHEN IT'S IMPORTANT! RAAR! .. any questions? 1
Measure all ingredients and be careful to get them accurate - it matters. There isn't a whole lot of leeway with cold process soap.
Melt a big hunk of beeswax - much easier to measure this way than by chunking up solids. Mix all other oils in with it, heat until it's all liquid - about 150 degrees. Remove from heat. Realize it's 80F outside, wind up putting pot of boiling oil into bigger pot of cold water to cool it down faster. Curse the sky. A lot.
Mix the lye into the water while stirring continuously - never water into lye (Lye into water gets hotter and hotter, water into lye and you'll lose your eyes. Seriously. It volcanoes and not in a good way) It will heat to nearly boiling. Don't breathe. All the recipes sayyyyyyyyyyyy don't breathe over the bowl - but really, it means 'ha ha, the lye vapor will permeate all the available air around you and make you choke! CHOKE!' so hold breath. Try not to faint. That's bad too.
If, by the hatred of gods, you get the lye or lye water on you, do not run the burning part of your skin under cold water. Vinegar! Neutralize the base first. Water over lye makes explody bits and you don't want your skin doing that! I've seen it, it was ugly.
When the lye is mixed in, leave it alone until it cools down. When the oil and lye solution are both around 115 F, mix the lye solution in with the oils while stirring in one direction. Changing direction can cause the soap to seize up around your stirring instrument and there's really nothing you can do at that point but mourn lost time and throw the solid glop away after chiseling out your spoon. At that point, the lye is encapsulated and you can't make soap out of it anymore. We didn't have that happen. Stir. A lot. For a long time. Convince others this is a fun and rewarding activity and get them to stir until it looks like instant pudding.
Add smelly bits, exfoliating bits, color bits, mix until blended. Realize that soap will have to cure the entire three weeks because by adding clove essential oil and ground cinnamon, you've just defeated any ability to cure-test it at week 2. Numb tinglies? Could be clove.. could be lye! When batch is mixed, prevent friends from licking what looks like cake batter off any of the utensils. It smells yummy - it isn't. In this case, the cake is indeed a big fat caustic lye.
Run around and find boxes for people who forgot to bring anything. Pour glop into boxes. Cover. Put in the sun to keep warm as the reaction continues.
Order pizza. Consume pizza and then consume brownies. Shoot the shit for an hour until everyone goes home. Refuse to let That Guy go home. Watch in amusement as the giant LoveSac sofa thing eats his motivation and will to move, promptly rendering him snoring and unconscious.
There are other ways to make soap. Can't really say there's a better one, though.
1 - I worry about you, Bevvie. I worry a lot.
Recipe:
48 ounces Crisco (a 3-pound can)
21 ounces Canola oil
16 ounces Coconut Oil
4 oz Beeswax
28 ounces of cold water
12 ounces lye crystals
Temperatures: 115 degrees
Trace by hand should be in about 20 minutes. Cure about 24-48 hours before cutting.
Process:
Become irritated when friends try to distract one from the obligatory "Hi, we're playing with shit that could hurt you, here's how not to get hurt!" rundown. Grit teeth, remind self that they have brains. Resist urge to remedy that with nearby hacksaw. This is your brain. This is your brain on NOT LISTENING TO ME WHEN IT'S IMPORTANT! RAAR! .. any questions? 1
Measure all ingredients and be careful to get them accurate - it matters. There isn't a whole lot of leeway with cold process soap.
Melt a big hunk of beeswax - much easier to measure this way than by chunking up solids. Mix all other oils in with it, heat until it's all liquid - about 150 degrees. Remove from heat. Realize it's 80F outside, wind up putting pot of boiling oil into bigger pot of cold water to cool it down faster. Curse the sky. A lot.
Mix the lye into the water while stirring continuously - never water into lye (Lye into water gets hotter and hotter, water into lye and you'll lose your eyes. Seriously. It volcanoes and not in a good way) It will heat to nearly boiling. Don't breathe. All the recipes sayyyyyyyyyyyy don't breathe over the bowl - but really, it means 'ha ha, the lye vapor will permeate all the available air around you and make you choke! CHOKE!' so hold breath. Try not to faint. That's bad too.
If, by the hatred of gods, you get the lye or lye water on you, do not run the burning part of your skin under cold water. Vinegar! Neutralize the base first. Water over lye makes explody bits and you don't want your skin doing that! I've seen it, it was ugly.
When the lye is mixed in, leave it alone until it cools down. When the oil and lye solution are both around 115 F, mix the lye solution in with the oils while stirring in one direction. Changing direction can cause the soap to seize up around your stirring instrument and there's really nothing you can do at that point but mourn lost time and throw the solid glop away after chiseling out your spoon. At that point, the lye is encapsulated and you can't make soap out of it anymore. We didn't have that happen. Stir. A lot. For a long time. Convince others this is a fun and rewarding activity and get them to stir until it looks like instant pudding.
Add smelly bits, exfoliating bits, color bits, mix until blended. Realize that soap will have to cure the entire three weeks because by adding clove essential oil and ground cinnamon, you've just defeated any ability to cure-test it at week 2. Numb tinglies? Could be clove.. could be lye! When batch is mixed, prevent friends from licking what looks like cake batter off any of the utensils. It smells yummy - it isn't. In this case, the cake is indeed a big fat caustic lye.
Run around and find boxes for people who forgot to bring anything. Pour glop into boxes. Cover. Put in the sun to keep warm as the reaction continues.
Order pizza. Consume pizza and then consume brownies. Shoot the shit for an hour until everyone goes home. Refuse to let That Guy go home. Watch in amusement as the giant LoveSac sofa thing eats his motivation and will to move, promptly rendering him snoring and unconscious.
There are other ways to make soap. Can't really say there's a better one, though.
1 - I worry about you, Bevvie. I worry a lot.