Emergency Ritual Kit

As a response to the comment left in a locked post on a community I'm on, the bizarre, facepalmy, and sometimes funny stories of how the kit evolved and how it's been used.

( Got long )

So there you have it. My way more practical than necessary emergency ritual kit.


[EDIT: In light of the interest in this list, I've unlocked the post re-locked the post on the original forum and transferred it here so it can be linked. If you link it, I ask that you drop a comment here so I know where it's going on the intardnetzweb. You may link it to anywhere but WitchVox, provided it is properly credited to "Peregrine". I don't mind if you publish it as long as you do not receive compensation for it, as long as it's credited.]

As to why I re-locked the original and moved it here - because I have the dumb and it didn't dawn on me until this morning that an open post on a pagan-centric forum that gets crosslinked all over the intardnetz, right before Samhain, is pretty much setting out trollbait and switching on the psycho magnet. I really like that community and feel bad about doing that to our mods. They were gracious and didn't smack me over it - but it's a problem and this is my way of fixing it. Sorry, mods! I think you're doing a great job and I love that comm!

Peregrine's Rules for Pagans

Also by request. This may not be funny to anyone but me. It's sane advice that the average person should know, however.. yeah. Don't ask me why some are in the form of Commandment-esque lingo and some aren't - they're written down how they've been thought up. Some of them just roll off the tongue better that way. At some point I may standardize the list, but don't count on it.

These are also written as how they're presented to people that need to be smacked with them, not as bombast to the readers.

( Cut cuz I am wordy meat )

That's all for now. There are others, but they're either not coming to mind because I'm not currently confronted by idiocy, or they're too vague of concept to be rendered into snarky words right now.

Enjoy.

Explaining the name.

Spookyevilone is a joke. Kind of an in-joke, between a close friend and I. She asked me for a 'more gothy' nickname for a chat program so she could stalk someone she met at a goth club, this is what I came up with. She used it for about two years, then found another one she liked. When I needed a public journal and couldn't think of a name, she turned it over to me, along with the AIM account with the same name. So if you're finding this because you IM'd looking for Kelsi and got me instead.. uh.. sorry. She can be found as FanVix on most chat services, and fantasyvixen here on LJ - not that the bitch ever posts anymore :P She got married and had a baby, and is currently pregnant with spawn 2.0, so pretty much abandoned online life in favour of that "real life" thing people keep telling me about.

No, the icon is not a drawing of me. It's a tattoo sketch drawn by my friend Elli. More of her creeptastic artwork can be found here. She is small and cute and I have not yet tied her down and forced her to draw a tat for me - someday, I shall fix this.

Welcome. Enjoy your reading.

My exciting life.

My tum demanded Oreos, so when I left work, I swung by the Kwik-E-Mart and purchased some, even though it made my soul shrivel and die a little bit to support a store that insists on a phonetic spelling.

Tearing open the pack, I began devouring my chocolatey cookie goodness, because the tum is to be obeyed at all times, lest I want it to punish me and send me to the ER for no valid reason. ¹ I was a block from the bus stop when I was accosted by an angry, elderly black man who proceeded to open his mouth and spew forth a tidalwave of crazy.

"What's that you eatin', girl? Oreos? You puttin' that chemical crap in your body? Don't you know it bad for you? It got lard in it! LAAARRRRD! Made from dead pigs! How you can eat that shit!? It's all just lard and sugar! Not even real sugar but that stuff made from corn. Corn shouldn't be no sweetener! How you gonna just walk along and eat that? Don't you know better? They use child labor. They's little kids in China or somewhere makin' those things for cents on the dollar! You're supporting child abuse! HOW CAN YOU DO THAT?! How can you eat those lard and sugar cookies when IT HURTS CHILDREN THE WAY IT DO?!"

Thankfully, after years of living with my half-sister², I speak fluent crazytalk. I listened as his angry, shouting voice echoed off the marble of the buildings around me, waited for him to take a breath, and calmly asked, "Would you like one?" I offered him the box. He drew himself up with extreme dignity and said calmly, "Yes, I would." He took a cookie, thanked me politely, and went on his way.

This shit only happens to me.

---

¹ I have Acute Intermittent Porphyria. If I don't keep my blood glucose, carbs, potassium, and sodium above a certain level, I wind up with excruciating abdominal pain that has no apparent cause, but requires a hospital visit and a steady demerol drip to fix. The diet is a pretty sweet deal. The hospital visits are not, so I obey the tum when it says, "Bitch, feed me (sugar/salt/bread)!"

² My half-sister has bipolar disorder and is unmedicated. She's evil. I'm pretty sure she'd be evil even without the mental illness, but living with someone who flies into psychotic, frothing, screaming, physically abusive rages for the first 19 years of my life may have biased me against her.