Peregrine's Rules for Pagans
Oct. 19th, 2007 09:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spookyeviloneAlso by request. This may not be funny to anyone but me. It's sane advice that the average person should know, however.. yeah. Don't ask me why some are in the form of Commandment-esque lingo and some aren't - they're written down how they've been thought up. Some of them just roll off the tongue better that way. At some point I may standardize the list, but don't count on it.
These are also written as how they're presented to people that need to be smacked with them, not as bombast to the readers.
1. Thou Shalt Not Join The Drummers Unless Thou Can Keep The Beat. If you are not sure you can keep a beat, look around when you join. Do people stop dancing? If the answer to that is 'yes', then your answer is 'no'.
2. Thou Shalt Only Wear Natural Fabrics If Flame Is Present. Can, have, and will strip to the skin anyone not abiding by this rule. Natural fabrics turn to ash if they catch fire. Synthetic fabrics turn to napalm, melt, and cause burns far in excess of what the actual flame would have done. Side answer is (If You Bought It At Hot Topic, It's Synthetic - Take It Off.)
3. Thou Shalt Not Break Thine Skin With Anything Unsanitary To Mine Eyes. (Or break anyone else's skin.)
4. Thou Shalt Not Trust A Taper Candle Sans Holder Not To Tip. Modeling clay is kept in my kit. Used to use silly putty. Have used chewing gum in a pinch. Gravity works, respect it.
5. Ritual Baths Are Your Friends. So Is Ritual Soap. Especially before circle or any other public gathering. We had an issue once with a particularly pungent individual. Held a class on how to make "ritual soap" and "charged soap" with melt and pour glycerin, dried herbs, crystals, etc. Told everyone that from now on, we were going to try to amp up our energy pre-ceremony by taking ritual baths before we showed up to circle. Problem solved. Turned out the poor bloke had an aversion to bathing with soap because he had an allergy to some sort of chemical in commercial soap, and once he found an alternative, he became much more socially acceptable.
6. If The Item Works Before ____ Lantern, It Doesn't Ever Get Thrown On The Fire. (oil lantern, candle lantern, alcohol lantern, kerosene lantern, etc.) Yes, I know it happens a lot and usually it's someone who knows what they're doing, but it only takes one idiot to set themselves on fire to ruin it for the rest of us. It's not cool, even if it does give fodder for more Burning Tymez jokes.
7. When In Danger Or In Doubt, Look Around Or Ask About. Really, really, really, it's OK to ask if you don't know what's going on, or something doesn't look or feel safe to you. There are many pagan trads and ways of doing things and everyone does things just slightly different. Don't sit there - do ask, and keep asking if the first person you ask can't answer your questions.
8. If Thou Doesn't Know EXACTLY What's In It, Thou Shalt Not Eat Or Drink It. Secondary follow up: "Herbs" Is Not An Acceptable Answer. Sometimes even people with the best of intentions can make toxic mistakes, or not take allergies into consideration.
9. If Someone Is On Fire Or In Medical Distress, The Ritual Is Over. At that point, you break the circle or casting and GET HELP. There are certain times to completely ignore for the moment any sort of metaphysical muck ups - those are two examples that trump everything. No matter what the situation is, where you are, what you're wearing or not wearing, or what anyone else says - Trust me when I say, you never want to have to look someone's family in the face and tell them their loved one died or became badly injured because you were too embarrassed/intimidated/busy/worried about the consequences or what people might say, to do the smart thing and call or go for help.
10. Judge Not Lest Ye Be Hexed. AKA the 'keep your opinion to yourself' rule. One thing that constantly amuses me is the tendency to associate 'newbie' with 'powerless'. Being condescending or looking down on them is a good way to find oneself hexed, jinxed, or to have energy completely bitched by someone who doesn't really know what they're doing and doesn't do anything on purpose, and thus can't remove it once the damage is done. Tacked onto this was "Everyone Is New At Least Once." The pagans who act like they crawled out of the cradle with a wand in one hand and a book of shadows in the other make my teeth hurt.
11. If Your Pentacle Isn't A Choking Hazard, It's Too Big. If you can use the shiny, shiny pentacle to blind airplane pilots at altitude with the candlelight/firelight reflecting off it, you're probably annoying everyone within sight of it by also blinding or distracting them - and since it can probably be seen from outlying planets, take it off and put it away. Y'know that thing women have been telling men for ages? "It's not the size, it's how you use it"? Yeah. That goes for bling as well. YOU might think it makes you look superspecialrifficzomgWITCHY, but everyone else looks right at that and wonders what deficiency you're trying to compensate for.
12. Your Fictional/Fantasy World Does Not Belong In Circle. No, we really do not care if this ritual is just like one your rollplaying character (who is always a magic user one short step from godhood - always) participated in or ran. We especially do not want you to tell us about it.
13. Yule Does Not Require A Dylan Thomas Recitation. EVER. If there are more than four pagans in a room on Solstice night, one of them will either a) give a rousing oratory on how we must all stand up against the Dying of the Light - or quote the Dylan Thomas poem's tagline without even knowing the source they're quoting. This is a personal pet peeve of mine, right up there with the idiots who think Lorena McKennit wrote 'The Highwayman'. I want to bite them in an unfriendly manner. In our group, the person who gives the rousing oratory is then penalized by providing the alcohol for the next year's gathering.
14. Thou Shalt Not Touch My Tools. If my tools are visible, it means I'M USING THEM. You want to play with the ooohshiny, come talk to me after circle. It's also generally good etiquette not to pick up someone else's tools without asking first. Some people get wigged about it. I don't, but gods help anyone who messes with something I'm actively running energy through - which is what I'm doing if I have them out.
15. If They're Not Touching You, It's Not Your Business. Lots of people get huggytouchy, which is sometimes used to share energy. If it bugs you, politely decline. If watching two other people get huggytouchysmoochy bothers you, don't watch. If you go up to other people and start to snark, you'll be the cause of negative energy and find yourself spanked - and not in the good third date kind of way. Which leads to the rule that should be #1 but isn't because I'm writing these as I remember them, not in order of importance..
16. Thou Shalt Leave Thy Negative, Emo, (W)Angsty Bullshit At Home Or At The Door. Everyone has bad days, but if you're in such a little black cloud of doom and gloom that it will create a toxic atmosphere in the circle, stay home. Please note that I'm not suggesting anyone refrain from reaching out - but if you know that you're going to be an energy sink, stay home and call someone and tell them you're having a rotten day and would like some help. They may want you to show up, and at least people are aware and can either shield you out or split their energy. If the little black cloud is a constant state of being, and your life is pain and you're glad for the pain because if it didn't hurt you wouldn't have feelings at all.. you're in the wrong social group and should find the nearest gothy nightclub, stat.
17. Murder Of The Mood Will Be Punished To The Full Extent Of The Powers In The Room. Being a negative or bitchy asshat, talking about some non-topic subject, talking out of turn, actively trying to bring the hysteria by having an attention whore freakout, yelling at a child or anyone else, being a primadonna during the dance, or criticizing anyone for any reason - these are all moodkillers and the rule is "Don't." If you crash the vibe of your group, dollars to donuts someone is gonna make you pay for it. If it's a circle I'm in, that person will be me, and you do not want to put me in a bad mood for lo, I am inventive and vindictive and that "Harm None" thing is not part of my trad.
18. If The Child's Life Isn't In Danger, Do Not Yell At It. Doubly true if the child isn't yours. The appropriate person to talk to about an obnoxious child is the child's parents - AFTER circle. If you're the parent of an obnoxious child, get a gorram sitter and don't bring it. Small children get bored fast, they get squirrelly, and it's not kind to subject them to something that's not child friendly and expect them to sit there and not find a way to entertain themselves. On a logical note - small children are warehouses of strong, stroooonng emotion and if you yell at one, you'll cause an emotional spike that any sensitive in the room will feel, and probably activate the Mama Tiger Overprotectiveness instinct in many of them, which will fall on you like a ton of bricks if that child isn't spurting from an artery.
19. What Happens At Circle, STAYS AT CIRCLE. "Blessed Be!" shouldn't be used as the verbal version of pagan gang colours. "Hello!" works just fine as a greeting. Bragging to everyone you know about the zomgpowerfulspecialrifficcool ritual you participated in will do nothing more than make you look like the world's biggest prat and open you up to public mockery. It will also probably make sure you don't receive any more invitations to public rituals. (Not that it's needed - people like this tend to go to one ritual, have a good time, then declare themselves a HP and form their own coven made up of their six friends. Good riddance, says I.) It's also extremely not kosher to spread gossip about who played kissyface with whom. It's not your business. Don't spread it. Unless it is specifically stated that the contents are public-ok, keep it under the ivy bush.
20. If Thou Showed Up Just To Get Laid - Leave. If I had a nickle for every creepster that showed up to a public ritual expecting it to be populated by naked people and end up in a huge, wet orgy, I could buy a small Tahitian island. Perfect Love, Perfect Trust does NOT equal random sex with total strangers. Sexual rites are usually held privately. I don't care how powerful you are or think you are - showing up at a public gathering and macking on someone is a real good way to become an object lesson on how the powers of pissed off people in groups can be used in harmony to really mess someone up.
That's all for now. There are others, but they're either not coming to mind because I'm not currently confronted by idiocy, or they're too vague of concept to be rendered into snarky words right now.
Enjoy.
These are also written as how they're presented to people that need to be smacked with them, not as bombast to the readers.
1. Thou Shalt Not Join The Drummers Unless Thou Can Keep The Beat. If you are not sure you can keep a beat, look around when you join. Do people stop dancing? If the answer to that is 'yes', then your answer is 'no'.
2. Thou Shalt Only Wear Natural Fabrics If Flame Is Present. Can, have, and will strip to the skin anyone not abiding by this rule. Natural fabrics turn to ash if they catch fire. Synthetic fabrics turn to napalm, melt, and cause burns far in excess of what the actual flame would have done. Side answer is (If You Bought It At Hot Topic, It's Synthetic - Take It Off.)
3. Thou Shalt Not Break Thine Skin With Anything Unsanitary To Mine Eyes. (Or break anyone else's skin.)
4. Thou Shalt Not Trust A Taper Candle Sans Holder Not To Tip. Modeling clay is kept in my kit. Used to use silly putty. Have used chewing gum in a pinch. Gravity works, respect it.
5. Ritual Baths Are Your Friends. So Is Ritual Soap. Especially before circle or any other public gathering. We had an issue once with a particularly pungent individual. Held a class on how to make "ritual soap" and "charged soap" with melt and pour glycerin, dried herbs, crystals, etc. Told everyone that from now on, we were going to try to amp up our energy pre-ceremony by taking ritual baths before we showed up to circle. Problem solved. Turned out the poor bloke had an aversion to bathing with soap because he had an allergy to some sort of chemical in commercial soap, and once he found an alternative, he became much more socially acceptable.
6. If The Item Works Before ____ Lantern, It Doesn't Ever Get Thrown On The Fire. (oil lantern, candle lantern, alcohol lantern, kerosene lantern, etc.) Yes, I know it happens a lot and usually it's someone who knows what they're doing, but it only takes one idiot to set themselves on fire to ruin it for the rest of us. It's not cool, even if it does give fodder for more Burning Tymez jokes.
7. When In Danger Or In Doubt, Look Around Or Ask About. Really, really, really, it's OK to ask if you don't know what's going on, or something doesn't look or feel safe to you. There are many pagan trads and ways of doing things and everyone does things just slightly different. Don't sit there - do ask, and keep asking if the first person you ask can't answer your questions.
8. If Thou Doesn't Know EXACTLY What's In It, Thou Shalt Not Eat Or Drink It. Secondary follow up: "Herbs" Is Not An Acceptable Answer. Sometimes even people with the best of intentions can make toxic mistakes, or not take allergies into consideration.
9. If Someone Is On Fire Or In Medical Distress, The Ritual Is Over. At that point, you break the circle or casting and GET HELP. There are certain times to completely ignore for the moment any sort of metaphysical muck ups - those are two examples that trump everything. No matter what the situation is, where you are, what you're wearing or not wearing, or what anyone else says - Trust me when I say, you never want to have to look someone's family in the face and tell them their loved one died or became badly injured because you were too embarrassed/intimidated/busy/worried about the consequences or what people might say, to do the smart thing and call or go for help.
10. Judge Not Lest Ye Be Hexed. AKA the 'keep your opinion to yourself' rule. One thing that constantly amuses me is the tendency to associate 'newbie' with 'powerless'. Being condescending or looking down on them is a good way to find oneself hexed, jinxed, or to have energy completely bitched by someone who doesn't really know what they're doing and doesn't do anything on purpose, and thus can't remove it once the damage is done. Tacked onto this was "Everyone Is New At Least Once." The pagans who act like they crawled out of the cradle with a wand in one hand and a book of shadows in the other make my teeth hurt.
11. If Your Pentacle Isn't A Choking Hazard, It's Too Big. If you can use the shiny, shiny pentacle to blind airplane pilots at altitude with the candlelight/firelight reflecting off it, you're probably annoying everyone within sight of it by also blinding or distracting them - and since it can probably be seen from outlying planets, take it off and put it away. Y'know that thing women have been telling men for ages? "It's not the size, it's how you use it"? Yeah. That goes for bling as well. YOU might think it makes you look superspecialrifficzomgWITCHY, but everyone else looks right at that and wonders what deficiency you're trying to compensate for.
12. Your Fictional/Fantasy World Does Not Belong In Circle. No, we really do not care if this ritual is just like one your rollplaying character (who is always a magic user one short step from godhood - always) participated in or ran. We especially do not want you to tell us about it.
13. Yule Does Not Require A Dylan Thomas Recitation. EVER. If there are more than four pagans in a room on Solstice night, one of them will either a) give a rousing oratory on how we must all stand up against the Dying of the Light - or quote the Dylan Thomas poem's tagline without even knowing the source they're quoting. This is a personal pet peeve of mine, right up there with the idiots who think Lorena McKennit wrote 'The Highwayman'. I want to bite them in an unfriendly manner. In our group, the person who gives the rousing oratory is then penalized by providing the alcohol for the next year's gathering.
14. Thou Shalt Not Touch My Tools. If my tools are visible, it means I'M USING THEM. You want to play with the ooohshiny, come talk to me after circle. It's also generally good etiquette not to pick up someone else's tools without asking first. Some people get wigged about it. I don't, but gods help anyone who messes with something I'm actively running energy through - which is what I'm doing if I have them out.
15. If They're Not Touching You, It's Not Your Business. Lots of people get huggytouchy, which is sometimes used to share energy. If it bugs you, politely decline. If watching two other people get huggytouchysmoochy bothers you, don't watch. If you go up to other people and start to snark, you'll be the cause of negative energy and find yourself spanked - and not in the good third date kind of way. Which leads to the rule that should be #1 but isn't because I'm writing these as I remember them, not in order of importance..
16. Thou Shalt Leave Thy Negative, Emo, (W)Angsty Bullshit At Home Or At The Door. Everyone has bad days, but if you're in such a little black cloud of doom and gloom that it will create a toxic atmosphere in the circle, stay home. Please note that I'm not suggesting anyone refrain from reaching out - but if you know that you're going to be an energy sink, stay home and call someone and tell them you're having a rotten day and would like some help. They may want you to show up, and at least people are aware and can either shield you out or split their energy. If the little black cloud is a constant state of being, and your life is pain and you're glad for the pain because if it didn't hurt you wouldn't have feelings at all.. you're in the wrong social group and should find the nearest gothy nightclub, stat.
17. Murder Of The Mood Will Be Punished To The Full Extent Of The Powers In The Room. Being a negative or bitchy asshat, talking about some non-topic subject, talking out of turn, actively trying to bring the hysteria by having an attention whore freakout, yelling at a child or anyone else, being a primadonna during the dance, or criticizing anyone for any reason - these are all moodkillers and the rule is "Don't." If you crash the vibe of your group, dollars to donuts someone is gonna make you pay for it. If it's a circle I'm in, that person will be me, and you do not want to put me in a bad mood for lo, I am inventive and vindictive and that "Harm None" thing is not part of my trad.
18. If The Child's Life Isn't In Danger, Do Not Yell At It. Doubly true if the child isn't yours. The appropriate person to talk to about an obnoxious child is the child's parents - AFTER circle. If you're the parent of an obnoxious child, get a gorram sitter and don't bring it. Small children get bored fast, they get squirrelly, and it's not kind to subject them to something that's not child friendly and expect them to sit there and not find a way to entertain themselves. On a logical note - small children are warehouses of strong, stroooonng emotion and if you yell at one, you'll cause an emotional spike that any sensitive in the room will feel, and probably activate the Mama Tiger Overprotectiveness instinct in many of them, which will fall on you like a ton of bricks if that child isn't spurting from an artery.
19. What Happens At Circle, STAYS AT CIRCLE. "Blessed Be!" shouldn't be used as the verbal version of pagan gang colours. "Hello!" works just fine as a greeting. Bragging to everyone you know about the zomgpowerfulspecialrifficcool ritual you participated in will do nothing more than make you look like the world's biggest prat and open you up to public mockery. It will also probably make sure you don't receive any more invitations to public rituals. (Not that it's needed - people like this tend to go to one ritual, have a good time, then declare themselves a HP and form their own coven made up of their six friends. Good riddance, says I.) It's also extremely not kosher to spread gossip about who played kissyface with whom. It's not your business. Don't spread it. Unless it is specifically stated that the contents are public-ok, keep it under the ivy bush.
20. If Thou Showed Up Just To Get Laid - Leave. If I had a nickle for every creepster that showed up to a public ritual expecting it to be populated by naked people and end up in a huge, wet orgy, I could buy a small Tahitian island. Perfect Love, Perfect Trust does NOT equal random sex with total strangers. Sexual rites are usually held privately. I don't care how powerful you are or think you are - showing up at a public gathering and macking on someone is a real good way to become an object lesson on how the powers of pissed off people in groups can be used in harmony to really mess someone up.
That's all for now. There are others, but they're either not coming to mind because I'm not currently confronted by idiocy, or they're too vague of concept to be rendered into snarky words right now.
Enjoy.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-10-20 02:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-21 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-21 07:19 am (UTC)Inflict them on us, why don't you???
Seriously, very very funny. And true. And are you sure you weren't at ... of course you were. Your ritual may not be my ritual, but the pain of the above covers all of us.
(I love the soap one. And am going to use it. May I?)
no subject
Date: 2007-10-21 12:53 pm (UTC)Please steal the soap one. I usually find a way to work that one in for all the social groups I belong to. Pagans - see above. SCA - look, period soap making, with a bonus pre-made bar as a gift for showing up to the class. Sci-fi conventions - have hosted panels on how to make your own personalized fandom soap. Eco-geeks - hey, look, the byproduct of biodiesel is glyceerol, which is glycerine with the methanol still in, and gee, right here I have a bunch of bottles that I've recaptured the methanol from, so please feel free to take some glycerine liquid soap home with you to scent with your favourite natural oil.
Seriously, if you can find someone who makes their own biodiesel - the glycerol/glycerin is a byproduct that most of us dispose of. I turn mine into soap, but a lot of people just dig a hole and dump it, because glycerol's degradable. Making soap out of it is dead easy and would save you some $$ because literally all you have to do is heat it past 175F for 15 mins and then let it cool to a liquid soap- melt and pour is now trendy and thus, spendy at craft stores. The advantage to it is that it can be used immediately, where glycerin bars have to age at least a week due to the lye. However, straight glycerin, clear plastic bottles, a few bottles of essential oils or bags of dried herbs or crystals, and presto. Personalized soap.
Very good!
Date: 2010-08-04 09:17 pm (UTC)In addition...
Date: 2010-08-04 11:42 pm (UTC)