Equal opportunity offender.

[spookyevilone]

I went to an SCA event this Saturday and managed to offend someone so horribly they felt the need to tell at least six other people how horrible I am.¹

I, evil demonic mistress of the dark that I am, had made a comment that I do not desire pregnancy pretty much ever, and prefer to do all my baby shopping at the used baby store.

As a midwife, I know exactly how icky pregnancy can be, and I've witnessed the "miracle of birth" - by which I mean it's a damn miracle women keep wanting to give birth. In a word, gross. I've been told I'll feel differently "once I get pregnant". I've been pregnant, thanks, and I thought it was icky then, too. If I have my druthers, I won't be doing it again.

This doesn't mean I don't want children. I do. I love children. I want enough of the squirmy little blighters to justify my own townshold. It also doesn't mean I don't like sex - the sex part I'm rather fond of, the raising children part I'm fine with, it's the having a symbiotic parasite peeing inside me that I'm not so ok with.

.. and just what did you think amniotic fluid was made of? Angel tears? No. It starts out pure and then, if all goes well and you don't have a baby with sirenomelia, the kidneys start to function and it becomes a recycling ground for baby pee.

If I get pregnant, I'll put on my big girl panties and deal with my body being a disgusting mess for twelve months at the very least. However, I'd prefer my children already past the larval stage. Walking, talking, and already expressing a preferably non-sociopathic personality.

It was apparently the reference to "used baby store" that got the person worked up. The phrase is one I use to describe orphanages. Some of them even have catalogs, where you can browse pictures of children and their vital stats, point your finger and go "I want that one!" It's better than the used puppy or kitty store because unlike those, used baby stores don't have a requirement that you neuter or spay your baby within 30 days of taking it home. Which is good, because someday I want grandkids.

---

¹ - Only 6? I'm apparently losing my touch.

Comments

[janinas-nest.livejournal.com]

There are times when I am sure we are stuck in middle school - snap judgments and jumping to conclusions. I think your plan to get your kids from 'the used baby store' is one of the more wonderful things I have heard recently, and one of the most mature and rational. Yeah, I've gone down the 'usual' way twice. Now that I am at the point where grandchildren are hopefully on the near horizon, I can agree that skipping the earliest stages would have been a lot easier and left me with more resources to deal with the rest of the upbringing. I have collected several more children (informally) as adults and find it completely satisfying. In fact one of them has married and now I have a daughter-in-law! I treat them all the same with support and affection and keen interest in their lives.

Thank you for your intentions - they are truly noble!

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I applaud women who do the whole birthing thing, and I do everything I can as a midwife to make sure they have the most pleasant, wonderful experience that can be had squishing something the size of a watermelon out an orifice that defies the laws of physics to do it.

It amused me more than anything, really, that someone took umbrage at my desire to adopt instead of going through mess and pain to have 'my own' baby. As if any rugrat I can lay claim to wouldn't be mine whether I squatted it out naked and squalling or not.

[greyboy.livejournal.com]

Well, come on. Used babies?? That's not so much offensive as just a bit out-of-vogue. The correct term now, I believe, is previously owned or just pre-owned baby store. Get with the times, sheesh!

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

It's true, I am not a paragon of fashion mode. I hang my head in shame.

[moon-ferret.livejournal.com]

I have three of my own, and have given birth to four. I think nature is kind and lets me forget how GODSFUCKINGAWFUL that whole thing is. I really do. If I had been a doula or a midwife before I had them? No way. Nuh-uh.

That being said, my dad was "bingoing" my brothers yesterday, which completely confused me. I looked at my dad and said "If I didn't have kids, I don't think I would want them, either. I just kinda...had them..."

I got about 30 seconds of stunned silence. I said "What? I DON'T LIKE KIDS! I NEVER HAVE. I am fond of mine, and like them a whole lot, but in general? I don't like them." He then informed me I shouldn't tell anyone that because they will think I am weird...

Used baby store. Going to save that one.

[fairiedust75.livejournal.com]

People get funny about babies.. especially unborn babies. There isn't much humor allowed. When I was pregnant with my first born, she moved nonstop. I mean, the kid NEVER let me have a rest. I got to the point that I would start to flick my belly because it would temporarily interrupt her little dance on my bladder, spine.. etc. My mother gasped when she saw me do it. *shrug* It's not like me flicking my stomach could ever possibly hurt my unborn child, but it was the simple iritation I had for this child I wanted so badly that offended her. I personally like the used-baby store comment, although, I have to agree pre-owned baby store definitely makes it sound like there is a warranty involved. And damn.. that would be handy *smile*

[misanthrope-mom.livejournal.com]

Supposedly, oxytocin (the labor hormone) interferes with memory formation - so it's literal that you can't remember how awful it is. I do remember being afraid to poop.