Yes, and then I get the fun of explaining 'flat affect, stop trying to judge my feelings based on facial expression or tone of voice because it doesn't work with me'. Contrariwise, when I'm not making an effort to have an expression on my face and am just relaxed, I get all sorts of concerned, "What's wrong? You look upset/angry/pissy.." I usually respond with, "Is anyone around me curled up in a ball, crying? No? Then there's your answer of whether I'm upset/angry or not."
There are pictures of me as a child, smiling. It stops with my second-grade school picture. Then there are a dozen years of pictures where I'm not smiling at all. Nothing I felt inside was conveyed through look or voice. I had to re-teach myself all of that, and even now, it takes effort that slips if I'm tired or not feeling well or thinking about something else. It's one reason that being around other people is so wearying. If they don't know me, I have to be "on", and it's hard because I have to spend effort to look normal and am constantly anxious that I don't appear normal enough.
One of my coping mechanisms for the flat affect is apparently to make little ..noises. I rarely realize I'm making them, but they all mean something, like "I am cold", "Zod is displeased", "Small and cute!", and people who hang around me long enough pick up on them and learn to listen for them. Most other people never even hear them. One of the amusing things is That Guy's uncanny ability to hear them no matter where we are. He doesn't always know what they mean, and has to ask, and then I have to think about it and translate it into English, but he always hears them. 'sweird.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2011-12-05 06:11 am (UTC)There are pictures of me as a child, smiling. It stops with my second-grade school picture. Then there are a dozen years of pictures where I'm not smiling at all. Nothing I felt inside was conveyed through look or voice. I had to re-teach myself all of that, and even now, it takes effort that slips if I'm tired or not feeling well or thinking about something else. It's one reason that being around other people is so wearying. If they don't know me, I have to be "on", and it's hard because I have to spend effort to look normal and am constantly anxious that I don't appear normal enough.
One of my coping mechanisms for the flat affect is apparently to make little ..noises. I rarely realize I'm making them, but they all mean something, like "I am cold", "Zod is displeased", "Small and cute!", and people who hang around me long enough pick up on them and learn to listen for them. Most other people never even hear them. One of the amusing things is That Guy's uncanny ability to hear them no matter where we are. He doesn't always know what they mean, and has to ask, and then I have to think about it and translate it into English, but he always hears them. 'sweird.