Things My Godsdaughter Knows
Oct. 12th, 2011 09:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spookyeviloneI received an email this morning, in response to this post, accusing me of "sexualizing" my godsdaughter because "five year olds shouldn't know what genitals are."
By that age, they already know what genitals are, but may not know what to call them and wind up making up words like "hoo hoo" or "pee pee". E.'s parents made the decision not to retard their daughter's language skills, and taught her proper medical terminology when she began to ask about body parts. They also decided to make an effort not to instill her with any sort of sense of shame or embarrassment about the human body. Which is the right and proper way to raise a child.
The amount of stupidity in that email has surpassed my ability to deal with it in a civil manner. So I'm not answering it. I will, instead, create a list:
Other Things Bug Has Been Taught That Five Year Olds "Aren't Old Enough To Know"
The difference between pie and pi.
The digits of pi to six places.
If you can't prove it, it isn't fact, it's faith.
... Just because it's faith doesn't make it "wrong".
How to cold process and hot process soap.
How to make homemade noodles.
The difference between factory farming and ranch farming.
What arthropods and isopods are.
Proper taxonomic ranks of scientific classification.
... That butterflies and moths are in the Order Lepidoptera.
The difference between the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous periods.
... That those three periods make up the Mesozoic Era.
Closet monsters can be slain with a high powered LED maglight.
...and if the beam of light doesn't kill it, bashing it over the head with the maglight will do the trick.
Why you use cold butter in pie crusts but softened butter in chocolate chip cookies.
What Dios de las Muertos is.
Potatoes make vodka.
... Vodka makes ink and medicine.
Soylent Green is People.
... Soy Sauce is not made from Soylent Green.
... Planting soy beans will not make a baby grow.
Penicillin comes from bread mold.
Why Dr. Elizabeth Garrett Anderson was awesome.
Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense. (-Lazarus Long, Robert Heinlein)
Keep your booger hooker off the bang button.
... Reaching out to insolently touch a gun will still get your hands slapped hard.
"Fuck" can be an adjective, a verb, or a noun - and it is never polite to say, though sometimes it is necessary.
... Words like "Nigger", "Spick", "Wetback", "Chink", "Redskin", "Faggot" are bad words and Mama, Papa, and Aunt T will come down with the thundering wrath of pissed-off gods on you or anyone else they hear saying them.
Homosexual != bad, sinful, wrong, unnatural - but bigotry is.
Going to Hell doesn't happen by accident - you have to work at being a really, truly awful person to go there.
Sometimes, death has no reason, it just happens.
Praying: Can't hurt, might help.
... I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
There are more. This is all I can think of, off the top of my head.
By that age, they already know what genitals are, but may not know what to call them and wind up making up words like "hoo hoo" or "pee pee". E.'s parents made the decision not to retard their daughter's language skills, and taught her proper medical terminology when she began to ask about body parts. They also decided to make an effort not to instill her with any sort of sense of shame or embarrassment about the human body. Which is the right and proper way to raise a child.
The amount of stupidity in that email has surpassed my ability to deal with it in a civil manner. So I'm not answering it. I will, instead, create a list:
Other Things Bug Has Been Taught That Five Year Olds "Aren't Old Enough To Know"
The difference between pie and pi.
The digits of pi to six places.
If you can't prove it, it isn't fact, it's faith.
... Just because it's faith doesn't make it "wrong".
How to cold process and hot process soap.
How to make homemade noodles.
The difference between factory farming and ranch farming.
What arthropods and isopods are.
Proper taxonomic ranks of scientific classification.
... That butterflies and moths are in the Order Lepidoptera.
The difference between the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous periods.
... That those three periods make up the Mesozoic Era.
Closet monsters can be slain with a high powered LED maglight.
...and if the beam of light doesn't kill it, bashing it over the head with the maglight will do the trick.
Why you use cold butter in pie crusts but softened butter in chocolate chip cookies.
What Dios de las Muertos is.
Potatoes make vodka.
... Vodka makes ink and medicine.
Soylent Green is People.
... Soy Sauce is not made from Soylent Green.
... Planting soy beans will not make a baby grow.
Penicillin comes from bread mold.
Why Dr. Elizabeth Garrett Anderson was awesome.
Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense. (-Lazarus Long, Robert Heinlein)
Keep your booger hooker off the bang button.
... Reaching out to insolently touch a gun will still get your hands slapped hard.
"Fuck" can be an adjective, a verb, or a noun - and it is never polite to say, though sometimes it is necessary.
... Words like "Nigger", "Spick", "Wetback", "Chink", "Redskin", "Faggot" are bad words and Mama, Papa, and Aunt T will come down with the thundering wrath of pissed-off gods on you or anyone else they hear saying them.
Homosexual != bad, sinful, wrong, unnatural - but bigotry is.
Going to Hell doesn't happen by accident - you have to work at being a really, truly awful person to go there.
Sometimes, death has no reason, it just happens.
Praying: Can't hurt, might help.
... I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
There are more. This is all I can think of, off the top of my head.