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spookyeviloneI always have adventures when I buy things off Craigslist, and tonight was no exception. Due to loan officer fubar, I won't be purchasing the house for at least another 90 days, so I got an apartment across from work. This required furniture, since my life is still in storage pods and I don't have the mental energy to go through the pods to unpack the stuff I want and re-pack everything else.
Tonight: Acquired keys, got permission to destroy bedroom carpet if there was hardwood underneath. Promptly went upstairs, established that there was hardwood under the carpet - and immediately yanked up the ugly, cheap carpet that had no padding and was just stapled to the floor. Stapled. Into hardwood. I COULD CRY! But, now it's gone. The glue ick from the back of the carpeting left residue on the floor, not sure if that can be cleaned off without stripping the floor or sanding. I'm not sure if I want to just see if it can be cleaned, slap another coat of poly on it and call it good, or if I want to have it sanded and finished. Probably should go with just the stripping. Of the flooring, dirtymind.
Left the apartment, went to pick up Big Beanbag Chair that unzips into a bed. Arrived, checked mailboxes - none of them matched the name on the email. Sent an email to person to let them know I was there. Waited. Sent another email saying that if they weren't there in five minutes, I was leaving. Five minutes passed and I was pulling out of the space when another car pulled up and flagged me down. Little Hispanic guy (trust me, this is relevant later) apologizes profusely in his cute Mexican accent because he was held late at work and takes me up to see the chair. He tries to down-sell himself, telling me that if the price was too high, he'd take less. It was in great condition so I said the price was fine. I inspected it to make sure there were no illicit drugs or dead hookers wrapped up inside it. (SOP for EVERYTHING I buy from CList) He carried it down to my car for me, then apologized some more and offered me free Aveda products. I don't use products of any kind, really, but he insisted, so I went back up to the apartment with him thinking, "Aha! This is where I get murdered by a crazy Craigslist person!"
You'll notice that thought didn't stop me from going up to the apartment with him.
So he gathers up a mega crapload of really expensive Aveda stuff. Body cream, hand lotion, oils, stuff for cracked hands, bath gel goo, chapstick.. All in all, probably $200 worth of stuff. I try to protest but he insisted. Then he offered me his phone number, in case there was anything wrong with the chair when I got it home or I didn't like it or it didn't match my decor and I wanted to return it. I said sure and put his number and email in the cellphone and asked for his name.
"George Jablowski." (real last name changed but phonetically similar)
I stared at him and blurted, "Ok, you're from Mexico, you're Hispanic.. how the hell are you George Jablowski?"
"Oh.. My mom is Mexican but my Dad is white. Everyone asks that - they think I'm Jorge (hor-hay), but it's just George."
I said goodbye and headed to Appointment 2. This was a vacuum.
I arrive at destination and knock. The door is answered by a GIANT MOUNTAIN OF A MAN wearing biker leathers, long hair, facial tattoos (so, y'know, I was busy staring at the pretty ink..) and he's on the phone and crying his eyes out. He's trying to find a vet because his dog is sick and he thinks she's been poisoned. She's a pit bull and people think they're mean but she's just a baby - and her name is Baby - and she's just a puppy, so why would anyone poison her.. and he goes on and on like this after inviting me in. I ask if I can see the dog because I work with animals and might be able to do something fast to help. He says sure and gestures me into the back dining room area while he continues to dial the number of veterinary numbers. I go look at the puppy.
After one look and a gentle prodding to confirm what my eyes were telling me, I called back, "Brian? She's not poisoned. You're gonna have to change her name, though."
"What?"
"Her name. You're going to have to change it to 'Mommy'."
"She CAN'T be pregnant! She's only 8 months old!"
"Uh.. well, she's having puppies RIGHT NOW, so.."
"But the breeder said she had been neutered! I have papers that say that she's fixed!"
"I'd get your money back, then, because in about 10 minutes, you're going to be a grandfather."
He was worried about his dog ("dawg") and kept asking me if she'd really be alright. I reassured him she'd probably be fine. He'd only had her for three weeks, so I knew she hadn't gotten pregnant while he had owned her. He was also royally pissed, "She's just a puppy herself! She shouldn't be having puppies!" Yeah. I agree. I stayed with him until she was done delivering four little wriggling bundles of puppy love and made sure they were eating and breathing, then collected my vacuum and left. Mother and puppies were fine. He's going to take them to the vet in the morning to get them all checked out.
This shit only happens to me.
Tonight: Acquired keys, got permission to destroy bedroom carpet if there was hardwood underneath. Promptly went upstairs, established that there was hardwood under the carpet - and immediately yanked up the ugly, cheap carpet that had no padding and was just stapled to the floor. Stapled. Into hardwood. I COULD CRY! But, now it's gone. The glue ick from the back of the carpeting left residue on the floor, not sure if that can be cleaned off without stripping the floor or sanding. I'm not sure if I want to just see if it can be cleaned, slap another coat of poly on it and call it good, or if I want to have it sanded and finished. Probably should go with just the stripping. Of the flooring, dirtymind.
Left the apartment, went to pick up Big Beanbag Chair that unzips into a bed. Arrived, checked mailboxes - none of them matched the name on the email. Sent an email to person to let them know I was there. Waited. Sent another email saying that if they weren't there in five minutes, I was leaving. Five minutes passed and I was pulling out of the space when another car pulled up and flagged me down. Little Hispanic guy (trust me, this is relevant later) apologizes profusely in his cute Mexican accent because he was held late at work and takes me up to see the chair. He tries to down-sell himself, telling me that if the price was too high, he'd take less. It was in great condition so I said the price was fine. I inspected it to make sure there were no illicit drugs or dead hookers wrapped up inside it. (SOP for EVERYTHING I buy from CList) He carried it down to my car for me, then apologized some more and offered me free Aveda products. I don't use products of any kind, really, but he insisted, so I went back up to the apartment with him thinking, "Aha! This is where I get murdered by a crazy Craigslist person!"
You'll notice that thought didn't stop me from going up to the apartment with him.
So he gathers up a mega crapload of really expensive Aveda stuff. Body cream, hand lotion, oils, stuff for cracked hands, bath gel goo, chapstick.. All in all, probably $200 worth of stuff. I try to protest but he insisted. Then he offered me his phone number, in case there was anything wrong with the chair when I got it home or I didn't like it or it didn't match my decor and I wanted to return it. I said sure and put his number and email in the cellphone and asked for his name.
"George Jablowski." (real last name changed but phonetically similar)
I stared at him and blurted, "Ok, you're from Mexico, you're Hispanic.. how the hell are you George Jablowski?"
"Oh.. My mom is Mexican but my Dad is white. Everyone asks that - they think I'm Jorge (hor-hay), but it's just George."
I said goodbye and headed to Appointment 2. This was a vacuum.
I arrive at destination and knock. The door is answered by a GIANT MOUNTAIN OF A MAN wearing biker leathers, long hair, facial tattoos (so, y'know, I was busy staring at the pretty ink..) and he's on the phone and crying his eyes out. He's trying to find a vet because his dog is sick and he thinks she's been poisoned. She's a pit bull and people think they're mean but she's just a baby - and her name is Baby - and she's just a puppy, so why would anyone poison her.. and he goes on and on like this after inviting me in. I ask if I can see the dog because I work with animals and might be able to do something fast to help. He says sure and gestures me into the back dining room area while he continues to dial the number of veterinary numbers. I go look at the puppy.
After one look and a gentle prodding to confirm what my eyes were telling me, I called back, "Brian? She's not poisoned. You're gonna have to change her name, though."
"What?"
"Her name. You're going to have to change it to 'Mommy'."
"She CAN'T be pregnant! She's only 8 months old!"
"Uh.. well, she's having puppies RIGHT NOW, so.."
"But the breeder said she had been neutered! I have papers that say that she's fixed!"
"I'd get your money back, then, because in about 10 minutes, you're going to be a grandfather."
He was worried about his dog ("dawg") and kept asking me if she'd really be alright. I reassured him she'd probably be fine. He'd only had her for three weeks, so I knew she hadn't gotten pregnant while he had owned her. He was also royally pissed, "She's just a puppy herself! She shouldn't be having puppies!" Yeah. I agree. I stayed with him until she was done delivering four little wriggling bundles of puppy love and made sure they were eating and breathing, then collected my vacuum and left. Mother and puppies were fine. He's going to take them to the vet in the morning to get them all checked out.
This shit only happens to me.