No, I would not like to change my plan.

[spookyevilone]

I normally turn my phone off at work. Today, I forgot and it was set to 'vibrate' instead of 'silence'. It rang, an 866 number coming up. Worried this was someone calling about my mother, who has an Alzheimer's-like condition, I answered it.

It was Sprint, calling to tell me about a new and exciting rate plan. So they said. Always curious, just in case it might be useful. The following conversation ensued.

SprintDude: I see that you have 400 anytime minutes and are paying $35.99 for this plan. Can you tell me what you normally pay?
Me: About $100/month, but..
SD: Oh, so you are going over your minutes?
Me: No, I have..
SD: Insurance?
Me: Unlimited text messaging, unlimited internet access, picture mail, nights that start at 6pm, and insurance.
SD: Oh. Well, let me tell you about this plan. It has 550 anytime minutes, 150 more than you have now, unlimited nights and weekends starting at 7pm, free roaming and long distance, and it comes with a free phone, the LG blahblahblahtynumber, and you can add a second phone line free, with this offer right now for $59.99. Would you be interested in changing your plan, m'am?
Me: I don't use all the minutes I have, so.. no, not really.
SD: But I see that if you had this new plan, you would save $5/month
Me: .. So, your plan, which charges $25/mo more than I'm paying now, and doesn't include any of the features I pay extra for, which I am unwilling to do without, somehow results in a $5 price difference? How's that again?
SD: *talking fast* Well, you see, the picture mail would be included with this plan..
Me: But the text messaging, internet, and nights starting at 6 aren't?
SD: Well, no, but those add-ons would remain intact on your plan, so you would still have them.
Me: I'd still pay for them, though?
SD: Oh, yes.
Me: So, basically, you want me to switch to a plan with more phone minutes, which I don't need, and pay $20 extra per month. Do they still have the deal where if you go over your minutes, you're charged $5 per hundred?
SD: Yes! We still have that, so if you were to go over your 550..
Me: Hold up, Spunky. I have 400 minutes now. To get 550 extra minutes, I'd only have to pay $10, which would give me 200 extra minutes, not just 150. Show me the cost benefit in switching plans again?
SD: But you'd get a free phone and a second line!
Me: I just bought a new phone a couple months ago, and I don't want a second line, so I don't think your plan is for me.
SD: But the new LGblahblahblahtynumber is a feature-rich new model from the LG line..
Me: Does it have an mp3 player built in?
SD: No, but..
Me: Spunky, my current phone can do everything but make decisions by itself, and I'm scared to leave it alone for too long in case it starts doing that.
SD: Don't you want a new phone?
Me: Nope. Sorry, I don't think your new plan is for me.
SD: Tell me, m'am, could you use the extra line? Because the cost..
Me: No, sorry. Until cloning becomes legal and cheaply available, there's just one of me.
SD: .. Can you tell me if you use a laptop to connect to the internet?
Me: No. I use my phone for that.
SD: Um.. Ok, then. I guess this isn't the plan for you. Thank you for your time.
Me: No problem. Have a nice day!

Comments

[makhsihed.livejournal.com]

You win. :D

This makes me picture a little tiny Sprint salesman on the other line going "what, but, um" and flailing his arms almost anime-style.

...I need to get more sleep, maybe.

SD: *FLAIL*