Results:

[spookyevilone]

5 hours of waiting, prodding, and imaging..

Alien Baby has still not been captured on camera.
It's not a mass and it's not a gas pocket.
I'm not septic.
I don't have any sort of infection.
I'm not pregnant.
It's "probably not cancer".
It's not an AIP flare. Which I knew going in. Those don't hit in one place.

Other than that, they have no clue what's causing it. They suspect an ulcer. It was recommended I have my vagus nerve truncated. It's such a great idea, I had it done three years ago. So now I have a prescription for horse pill anti-ulcer things.

I've been instructed not to take any aspirin, tylenol, or aleve.

Asked what the chances were that I'd erupt like an overripe melon and spray passers by with liquified human goo, and the doctor gravely said, "Unlikely." Not, y'know, "No". I blame malpractice litigation. It's also disturbing to realize that the doctor is saying that because there's the merest, slightest, one in three hundred million chance that I might explode in an eruption of human goo.

That's comforting.

Comments

[akitrom.livejournal.com]

Good for you for bringing in people wearing lab coats.

No infection? You had a fever. That typically means either (a) infection, (b) you're transforming into a creature with a higher body temperature (like a chicken), or (c) something screwy going on with your endocrine system.

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Fever of 102, in fact. White blood cell count: perfectly normal. All other tests: Normal.

Which makes me think the labs got switched, because when does "normal" ever apply to me?

They sent the blood away for more tests. It would be awesome if I could become something with a higher body temperature. I normally hover around 96.

[cadithial.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you may need to hang around people you dislike on the offchance 1 in 300 million that you can coat them with your internal goo :P

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm at work..

[akitrom.livejournal.com]

By the way, humans do not explode into goo. Unless they've swallowed a couple of fragmentation grenades or something. So, if you were to explode into an eruption of goo, I can join in with your doctor, assuring you it would not be human goo.

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

I've long maintained that I'm part lizard. The low body temperature thing and need to bask in the sun as often as possible.

[redselchie.livejournal.com]

I hate to almost even mention it, but..

did they test you for H1N1?

[spookyevilone.livejournal.com]

Yup. Also for histoplasmosis. H1N1 won't be back for a week. Histo gram was negative. Current theory is that it's a new ulcer. :/