2009-05-06
Entry tags:
Red, this one's for you.
I had to go into Borders today for work. Having been warned by Red that Borders has instituted a mandatory "Assault our customers with books they don't want and harass them if they get within 20' of you" policy, I spent the transit time thinking up how to politely but firmly answer the poor employees forced to be "helpful".
I was not even 10 steps into the front door when the first employee approached. I was asked if I needed help finding anything. I politely said no. She did not offer me a Make Book. I managed to find my way to the book I needed, had it off the shelf and in hand and was checking the pub date to make sure it was a recent printing, when opportunity in the form of an overly cheerful trainee trailed by her manager struck. The manager lurked behind, facing a shelf *. The employee asked if they could help me find anything, and when I said no and proffered the book I'd gone there to purchase, she asked if I'd be interested in checking out a book she had recently read and thought was "really great!!" - you could hear the double exclamation points.
Staring at her with a slight, bemused smile, I asked seriously, "Does it involve necrophilia with skin-sloughed chimerical human beings and other members of the undead class?" She blinked and said no. Before she could continue, I raised eyebrows hopefully and asked, "An epic war between homosexual fae and uptight Republican dwarves in a post-apocalyptic universe?" More blinking, but the light was going on. She said no and cut her eyes at her manager. I tried a third time, "The secret lives of underpants gnomes?" She was trying not to laugh as she shook her head.
The manager stepped over with a smile and tried to intercede, "Actually, it's about.." I stared him down, Icy Glare of Death firmly in place, and interrupted, "Harassment due to a store policy, wherein the customer is pestered to death when they clearly have zero interest in the title being thrust upon them?" He literally choked. I continued, "Please pass on my opinion that this Make Book policy sucks. It is not hand selling. Hand selling would involve asking me what interests me, not attempting to wheedle me into purchasing something that will keep you from getting written up and fired. High marks to your trainee. She was courteous and cheerful in trying to fulfill Borders' retarded, unreasonable, and disgusting new policy." The trainee had her hands over her mouth, trying not to let the laugh out.
As he stood there staring at me as though I'd just kicked his favourite puppy, I went to the cashier, handed them the book and the cash and stated I was not able to donate because it was a corporate purchase.
They're lucky I was warned about the policy. I leave it as an exercise of my loyal reader's imagination as to what would have happened if I'd been accosted unprepared.
* - By "Facing", I mean making sure the books all look pretty on the shelf, not ..standing toward the shelf.
I was not even 10 steps into the front door when the first employee approached. I was asked if I needed help finding anything. I politely said no. She did not offer me a Make Book. I managed to find my way to the book I needed, had it off the shelf and in hand and was checking the pub date to make sure it was a recent printing, when opportunity in the form of an overly cheerful trainee trailed by her manager struck. The manager lurked behind, facing a shelf *. The employee asked if they could help me find anything, and when I said no and proffered the book I'd gone there to purchase, she asked if I'd be interested in checking out a book she had recently read and thought was "really great!!" - you could hear the double exclamation points.
Staring at her with a slight, bemused smile, I asked seriously, "Does it involve necrophilia with skin-sloughed chimerical human beings and other members of the undead class?" She blinked and said no. Before she could continue, I raised eyebrows hopefully and asked, "An epic war between homosexual fae and uptight Republican dwarves in a post-apocalyptic universe?" More blinking, but the light was going on. She said no and cut her eyes at her manager. I tried a third time, "The secret lives of underpants gnomes?" She was trying not to laugh as she shook her head.
The manager stepped over with a smile and tried to intercede, "Actually, it's about.." I stared him down, Icy Glare of Death firmly in place, and interrupted, "Harassment due to a store policy, wherein the customer is pestered to death when they clearly have zero interest in the title being thrust upon them?" He literally choked. I continued, "Please pass on my opinion that this Make Book policy sucks. It is not hand selling. Hand selling would involve asking me what interests me, not attempting to wheedle me into purchasing something that will keep you from getting written up and fired. High marks to your trainee. She was courteous and cheerful in trying to fulfill Borders' retarded, unreasonable, and disgusting new policy." The trainee had her hands over her mouth, trying not to let the laugh out.
As he stood there staring at me as though I'd just kicked his favourite puppy, I went to the cashier, handed them the book and the cash and stated I was not able to donate because it was a corporate purchase.
They're lucky I was warned about the policy. I leave it as an exercise of my loyal reader's imagination as to what would have happened if I'd been accosted unprepared.
* - By "Facing", I mean making sure the books all look pretty on the shelf, not ..standing toward the shelf.