spookyevilone: (Default)
If you don't live in MN, you've probably never heard of Fitgers Brew Pub. If you haven't been there, or if you have been there and not had their Harvest Moon burger, I weep for you. I truly do. Even obligate carnivores chow on this wild rice veggie burger with open glee. It's that good. Fitgers confirmed that the burger is not gluten free.

Sadly, Fitgers is 3 hours away from me, and they steadfastly refuse to mail me boxes of frozen Harvest Moon patties. Bastards!

I decided to try and make my own. I looked online and several people have tried to replicate the burger, using Saltines and egg and wild rice. That didn't seem accurate to me, so I decided to experiment.

Attempt #1 - Result: Tasty veggie burger, but not Harvest Moon.
2c. uncooked Wild Rice (cooked up to about 5 c. - I let them sit in the fridge a few days to dry a bit.)
3c. cooked/canned Garbanzo Beans, smashed(Note: Didn't use all of them, and also tried to squish them in a blender but that didn't work so I smashed 'em with a grid-style potato masher.)
1/2 c. Oat Bran
1/2 c. Almond Meal (cheap, skin-on almond flour, not the retarded expensive skinless blanched kind)
3 eggs
1 T. minced garlic
Dash of cumin
Dash of salt

Mix wild rice with oat bran and almond flour until well incorporated. Add garlic and cumin and salt. Begin adding garbanzo bean paste until it almost holds together as a patty. Then crack in the eggs and knead until well incorporated.

Fry on griddle or in pan. Makes roughly 18 burger-size patties and a few smaller ones. They held together fairly well, and they are damn tasty.

Notes for next time: Try black beans instead of garbanzos - Fitger's burgers are darker. Also maybe add another egg because they might hold together even better.

Gluten free, chemical free, vegetarian. You could leave out the almond meal and use more oat bran, or sub corn meal, if you had to avoid a nut allergy. Could possibly use whisked flax seed meal with warm water to produce a binding agent if you had to avoid eggs.

I don't know where it falls on the carb index, but wild rice has more protein and less carbs than brown rice, and between the wild rice, oat bran, almond meal and eggs, it's chock full of protein and dietary fiber.

But screw all that - it is tasty! I would happily eat this instead of a Boca/Morningstar farms "burger" any day of the week, and I am not just saying that because I made up this recipe. I ate one today on an Udi's Gluten Free hamburger bun with smoked Gouda cheese, catsup, mustard, and pickles and it was tres yum. I am going to force That Guy to eat one and give me his opinion as well. Will report back on that later.

Want another one, but they're so filling I don't have room.

WHYYYYY???

Nov. 4th, 2011 01:24 am
spookyevilone: (deathstarcouplepaymentsonmycar)
Last week, I read an interesting study about the species of wheat that is currently in.. everything. And how it's basically Satan. The coached it in scientific terms like, "directly linked to Type 1 Diabetes", "leading cause of IBS and inflammatory issues", "morphine-like euphoric effects on the brain". But, basically, wheat is the new Satan. Just like carbs were two years ago. Only this time, with actual data. Also, I suppose, since wheat are carbs, they're Satan2.

I was going to try going low-carb for a bit again anyway, but I decided to try going low-wheat instead. I thought that would be easier.

It isn't. Wheat is in bloody everything. Counting carbs? Easy-peasy. Tracking down food that isn't corrupted by wheat? Try it some time. I've become used to reading labels due to my dietary issues and those of others around me, so I've seen the bizarre fuckery of things wheat and carbs have crept into. Chocolate, for instance. Or peanut butter. Neither of which need wheat as an ingredient for anything, ever.

I knew better than to go no-wheat. For one, it would require diligence I just do not have the energy for. For two, I found TimTams at Target and you can take away my TimTams when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.. and even then, look out, because I will replace the TimTams you have stolen with your living, pulsing brain! I've allotted myself one TimTam a day. The only other wheat is what is in soy sauce, because if I have to choke down rice, there is by gods going to be soy sauce involved.

Charting my food on Livestrong tells me that I'm hitting about 750 calories a day, which is way below that 2k daily dietary requirement and still about 200 calories more than I normally eat unless I'm binging on junk food. (Please note: I eat. Oh, boy howdy, do I eat. Vegetables apparently have no calories worth counting, so on calorie counts, I look anorexic.) I feel full. I don't have times during the day when I am actively hungry. I'm not tired or lethargic.

However, I also now think there is something to this 'wheat as addiction' thing. Because I am in the throws of withdrawal. More like a nicotine fit than junkie jonesing, but definitely something physical. Headache above/behind left eye, crabby enough to punch out a nun and steal her communion wafers, the constant desire to be chewing on something - preferably something like a croissant or bagel - even when I'm so full I couldn't eat another bite. It's very much like having a hypoglycemic episode - except the blood sugar monitor says I'm well within normal and I'm not shaky like I get when I haven't eaten. My nutrition is spot on with the right amount of carbs, protein, fats, sugars, etc. There's no physical reason for me to feel like this. Except I totally do.

I've been a vegetarian for years. Going off meat wasn't nearly this hard. Possibly because I could replace the meat with pasta. Replacing pasta, however.. Ugh.

So far, I have noticed absolutely zero positive effects of this dietary restriction - but it's been less than a week. I was skeptical of the people who were all "I lost two pounds in the first three days!" because really, if that's true? They're full of crap, one way or the other. I'm not doing this to lose weight, so that's a non-issue, but it was noteworthy. "Watch the pounds fly off!" Yeah, no. "You'll feel healthier and have more energy!" Well, if by 'healthier' they mean 'irritable as hell' and by 'energy' they mean 'enough rage-fueled aggression to go knock over a pizza delivery guy', then sure. "You'll sleep better!" Well, it's 2am and I'm wide awake so, not so much.

Mostly, I wanted to see if I could do it. Then it became a challenge. This is very akin to when I gave up caffeine. I dislike addiction and won't tolerate it, except for books, so at this point it's become a contest of wills between my 'goddamnit, woman! feed me bread products!' side and my stubborn, ornery side. Normally they are one and the same, so this is..interesting.

It is reaffirming my position that if I ever develop a wheat or milk intolerance, in addition to the meat intolerance, life will have become meaningless and devoid of joy.

Because holy gods in all the heavens, this sucks so fucking much I can barely stand it! And I could stop any time I want. There's no reason I have to do this. Except re: stubborn, ornery.

Nun punchery, more than just an emo band name.

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