Vancouver.

Mar. 22nd, 2010 09:20 pm
spookyevilone: (Default)
Tomorrow morning at "OhgodswhyamIawake??", I leave for Vancouver, where I shall enjoy.. hrm.. rain, rain, rain, cloudy, showers, rain, and more rain.. Well, I'll enjoy the view, anyway, for a week.

In honour of that, I bring you, Things Not To Say To The Border Agents.

In answer to "What is your business in Canada?"
1. "I met some guys on Chat Roulette and they invited me up for a jihad.. that's like a party, right?"
2. "I hear pot is legal in Vancouver."1
3. "You guys don't have the death penalty for capital crimes."
4. "I want my baby to be Canadian."
5. "You heard about the US Health Care bill, right?"
6. "Someone told me you can hunt baby seals with a MALLET!!"
7. "Drinking age is 18."
8. "Defecting."
9. "I hear I can get my prescription opiates over the counter.."
10."Isn't this where Sarah Palin's from?"

Because those bastards have no sense of humour.




1 - No, it isn't.
spookyevilone: (Default)
Before I had Current!Job, I did some temp work via various staffing agencies and for various recruiters. Some were fantastic and kept me employed in a crashed out market, and others weren't worth spit. I knew one was a bad deal when I went to an interview and the questions being asked were a hiring metric I had written five years prior when I worked for an executive search firm. There are stock questions that get asked. I'm not the most mature individual and am definitely not above messing with recruiters who are wasting my time with bad interviews. Keep in mind - the below answers are things I have personally, actually said, usually in a chipper, perky, smiling, and enthusiastic manner. (and that mental image alone is probably enough to send anyone who knows me spluttering into laughter.)

Examples:Longish )
spookyevilone: (Default)
I wound up at Urgent Care this morning due to a massive nosebleed and bleeding from the gums. My nosebleeds are usually epic, but this went into whole new realms and it just would not stop.

Nurse: "What brings you in here today?"
Me: "I think I have ebola."
Nurse: *STARTLES* "WHAT?!"
Me: "I'm bleeding from the nose and gums, and at this point am waiting for it to start spurting from my eyes.."
Nurse: "So.. just a nosebleed?"
Me: *holds up the towel that has soaked through* "Look like 'just a nosebleed' to you? I have bad nosebleeds. This has gone beyond 'bad' and into new realms of 'do I need a transfusion?' Because if I do, we can probably just wring this out.. "
Nurse: "How do you feel?"
Me: "Crappy, thanks for asking. Please find out if I have ebola or not."

I do not. The doctor asked what medications I was on. I listed my migraine meds. Guess what is a fun, unlisted side effect of said meds. RANDOM BLEEDING MAY OCCUR.

So now we get to play medicine merry-go-round.

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spookyevilone

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