spookyevilone: (Default)
Nephew: How do you spell 'women'?
Me: Wombyn
Nephew: ... No. Way.
Me: Well, I don't, but apparently there are women who are determined to take the 'men' out of the word.
Nephew: That's stupid.
Me: I agree. It's actually spelled 'women'.
Nephew: (To dad) Dad, did you know some women are spelling it 'wombyn'?
Brother: Yeah. That's why I just call 'em 'broads'.
Nephew: *hysterical laughter* Oh, you're so dead.
Brother: .. You're on the phone with Aunt [Peregrine], aren't you?
Nephew: Uh huh
Brother: Then I'd like to get a postscript in - I would never, not even under torture, ever actually refer to any fine double-x-bearing creature in any manner that would imply disrespect for her inherently divine nature. So please ask her to stop yelling at me.
Nephew: She's not yelling at you.
Brother: Oh, child of mine, yes, she most definitely is.
Nephew: No..? I'm on the phone and she's just listening, not saying anything..
Brother: See?! She's yelling at me with the power of her mind alone! I.. feel the urge to.. go send.. someone flowers.. and .. chocolates.. *door slams*
Nephew: .. He's so weird. You weren't yelling at him. Why did he think you were?
Me: Hypnotic conditioning. I have all my siblings well trained.
Nephew: My family is so weird!
Me: Is that a good or a bad thing?
Nephew: It's a great thing!
spookyevilone: (Default)
Nephew: "You're my favourite person."
Me: ".. Is this the part where I say 'thank you', or the part where I ask 'what did you do and should I bring bail money'?"
Nephew: "You can say 'thank you'. I just wanted to tell you, because I love you. You're my favourite aunt. The other one, I don't like.I like that I can call you up and talk to you, and you talk to me like I'm one of your friends and not like you have to talk to me because we're related. And you don't treat me like I'm retarded just because you're older than I am. If we were characters in South Park, you'd totally be my Stan."
Me: ".. Thanks!"
Nephew: "And Other!Aunt would be something really gross!"
Me: "Like poo?"
Nephew: "Grosser."
Me: "Vomit?"
Nephew: "Vomit's not grosser than poo!"
Me: "Speak for yourself. I can't taste poo."
Nephew: ".. Ok, you have a point, but it's a lateral move on the gross ladder."
Me: "Ok. How about the spooge that Paris Hilton coughed up in the Spoiled Whores episode?"
Nephew: "YEAH! Regurgitated whore spooge! Yup, that'd be her."
Brother, in the background: "What the hell are you talking about?!"
Nephew: "What character Other!Aunt would be, if she was a character on South Park."
Brother: ".. you're talking to [spookyevilone], aren't you? I hope?"
Nephew: "Yes!"
Brother: "Then all I have to say is.. " *pause* "Don't let your mother hear you talking like that. Ever."

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spookyevilone

February 2014

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